Fading Light
by Vol lady
Summary: Jarrod and Nick find themselves both falling for the beautiful widow Lilian Henshaw, but they don't know that in addition to their potential rivalry, there is a dark secret following Lilian and her two sons around that could endanger everyone.
1. Chapter 1

Fading Light

Chapter 1

Lilian Arnold Henshaw came into Jarrod Barkley's office unexpectedly. She had an appointment and Jarrod was happy to have a new client, but he didn't know the first thing about her. He hadn't seen her around town, ever, and she was about his age, so if she had been around for any length of time, he should have known her. But one look told him he had never seen her before in his life. "Sit down, Miss Henshaw," he invited her to sit in front of his desk.

"Mrs. Henshaw," she quickly said. "I'm a widow."

"Oh, you have my condolences," Jarrod said. "I'm a widower myself. It's not easy."

"Well, that's why I'm here," Lilian said. "Do you have any children, Mr. Barkley?"

"No, I don't," Jarrod said. He eyed the woman carefully. She was quite beautiful, dark-haired, poised, and did not have the demeanor of a helpless widow at all. There was a definite air of confidence about her.

And she said, perfectly calmly, "I have two sons, and I was widowed only two months ago. I have to get things in order for my sons."

"Well, what can I do for you?" Jarrod asked.

"My husband and I owned a farm north of Sacramento," Lilian said. "I sold it not two weeks ago and came here so my sons could attend the Stockton School for Boys. I know it's more a residential school, but I wanted the boys to live with me and just take classes there. I just started work at the clerk's office in the courthouse the other day, and it will be more economical if the boys live with me, rather than me stay in Sacramento and send money down."

"Well, if you're working at the clerk's office, I'll be seeing more of you," Jarrod said.

"The staff there think highly of you, Mr. Barkley," Lilian said, "and when I asked, they said you were the man to see about a new will."

"Oh," Jarrod said, surprised that he was surprised. "I suppose it's true you'll be needing a new one, just being widowed and just having sold your farm."

"And I have to see my sons are taken care of and the money is available to see to their education, uninterrupted if anything happens to me."

Jarrod nodded, impressed that Lilian was aware of what she needed to be thinking about. "There are definitely ways of doing that," Jarrod said. "One way would be to put your funds for their education into a trust right away, with the trust paying for their schooling. If anything happened to you, the money wouldn't be tied up in the estate. We can work on that. Did you bring your financial information with you?"

"No, not yet," she said. "I wanted to talk with you first, see if we are thinking the same thoughts on this."

Jarrod smiled and leaned back in his chair. "Why don't you tell me a bit more about yourself? Tell me about your sons."

"Ronnie is 15, Alex is 12."

"Ronnie is almost finished with school then, unless you want him to have a higher education."

"That's a decision we haven't made yet. His father and I were working on it but – his death upset everything."

She faltered a little on that. Jarrod understood perfectly. "Did your husband leave any life insurance?"

Now, she had to suck in a lot of anguish. "Yes, but it wouldn't pay. The coroner ruled my husband's death was a suicide."

"Oh," Jarrod said. "Oh, I'm so sorry. Do you agree with that ruling, or did you contest it?"

Lilian sighed. "I don't believe for a minute Ron killed himself, but I couldn't prove it. He drowned in a river that ran through our farm. Our boys were with him. They said one minute he was there by the riverside, they were talking, and then they turned their backs and he was gone. That's all the evidence there was."

"That's not much evidence for suicide," Jarrod said, thinking it depended on what they said. Then he hesitated for a moment before he asked, "Is this something you want to pursue?"

Lilian wiped her eyes. "Not just yet. I need to square away what I have before I worry about what I don't have. Will you help me? Will you help me put together a new will and get the finances together to make sure my sons' educations continue? Maybe then I can think about my husband's death some more."

Jarrod nodded. "I'll be happy to help you. We can look into your husband's death more fully later if you decide that's what you want."

Lilian nodded. "Why don't you tell me what financial papers and information you'll need?"

Jarrod smiled. "That's always the hard part, getting the papers in order. Let me get you a little outline I've put together for my clients who are in your shoes." He stood up and headed for a filing cabinet in the alcove. "We'll go over it together and get things rolling."

XXXXXXXXX

That was how it started, a simple meeting about writing a will and getting an estate in order. Jarrod met with Lilian again after she had gotten all her paperwork together – she was very meticulous and it didn't take long. Together they wrote a new will and had it executed and filed. They set up a trust with the bank that she funded with the money from the sale of the farm. The trust would pay the bills for the schooling for her sons from the moment they set it up. Jarrod could see peace of mind settling into the woman's eyes as they put the pieces together.

In the midst of putting her life together, Jarrod happened to be at the court clerk's office and talked to Lilian for a bit. On impulse, he asked to meet Ronnie and Alex. "I'd just like to talk to them for a minute, if you don't mind. They really ought to know what we're doing, in case something should happen. And I think they're old enough to get the gist of it."

"All right," Lilian said. "I have a few more things I need to give you anyway. Why don't you join us for dinner at about six? It won't be anything fancy, but I make a mean meatloaf."

Jarrod laughed. "I would love to."

He had a spring in his step when he left, and he even noticed it. He almost didn't notice his brothers outside the barber shop, both fresh from haircuts and shaves.

"Well," Jarrod said as he came up on them. "No wonder I didn't realize it was you. You don't look shaggy and unkempt."

"You could stand a bit of a trim yourself, big brother," Nick said. "It's getting down over the collar there."

Jarrod felt his neck. "It is getting a little long, isn't it?" he said and decided, if he had been invited to dinner, he'd get that trim. "Tell Mother I won't be home for dinner. I've been invited to dine at a client's house."

"Is she pretty?" Heath asked.

As far as Jarrod knew, neither of his brothers had met Lilian. "She's very pretty, but we'll have her two sons as chaperones."

Nick smiled. "Well, you can always get rid of them later."

"Just tell Mother to expect me when I get there," Jarrod said.

"What's her name?" Heath asked.

"Lilian," Jarrod said. "Lilian Henshaw."

"Lovely name," Nick said.

"Lovely woman," Jarrod said and went into the barbershop.

Nick and Heath gave him grins as he went inside. Nick said, "You know, it wouldn't hurt Pappy to find someone to get interested in again. He needs to quit fooling around about it and settle down."

"He says that about us, you know," Heath said.

"And he's right," Nick said. "Spring is about here. It's a good time for it."

Heath laughed. "Love comes when it's ready, Nick. You know that. It don't matter if it's the dead of winter or the heat of summer."

"Yeah, well, it would just be nice if it would come for Jarrod," Nick said. "I want some nieces and nephews."

Heath laughed. "All right, Nick. I'll get to work on that for you myself, if you'll do me the same favor."

"Love is in the air, isn't it, little brother? I was right about spring bringing it on."

"Maybe," Heath said. "Right now, a beer would be just as fine."

"Let's go," Nick agreed.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The young man who opened the door was tall, thin, dark-haired and blue-eyed, reminding Jarrod very much of himself at 15. "Good evening," he said, removing his hat. "I'm Mr. Barkley. You must be Ronnie Henshaw."

"Good evening, Mr. Barkley," the boy said and opened the door further. "Come in."

Jarrod went inside, to a small but comfortable home where a boy not so tall and not so dark-haired stood up from the floor where he was playing with a little dog. Jarrod smiled and said, "Hello. You must be Alex."

"Hello," the boy said.

The little dog came running to Jarrod, wagging her tail but not yapping, just looking up happily until Jarrod stooped and let her have a sniff of the back of his hand. A scratch behind an ear, and the dog was happy. She danced around Jarrod's feet over and over.

"Let me take your hat," Ronnie said, took Jarrod's hat and put it on a small table beside the door.

At about that moment, Lilian appeared from the kitchen, in plain clothes and an apron and a big smile. "Hello, Jarrod! I see you've met my sons."

"I have," Jarrod said, looking around at the small sitting room, into the kitchen were a table was set for the meal, back toward a stair that went up to a second level. The place was small, but nicely kept and looked very comfortable.

"I'm afraid I don't keep any alcoholic beverages in the house," Lilian said. "Not part of the budget yet. But coffee is ready, if you'd like some."

"Perhaps later," Jarrod said. "Right now I'm fine the way I am."

"Please sit down, Mr. Barkley," Ronnie said and motioned toward a sofa in front of the fireplace.

"Thank you," Jarrod said and sat. The dog followed along.

Alex grabbed the dog away from Jarrod's feet and began to rough-house with her again. "Do you like dogs, Mr. Barkley?" he asked.

"I do, very much," Jarrod said, "but we have only outside dogs at our place, I'm afraid. Working dogs."

Still standing at the entrance to the kitchen, Lilian said, "Myrtle has always been an indoor pup."

"I didn't name her," Alex quickly disowned the odd name for a dog.

Lilian said, "Dinner won't be long. Everything is almost ready. Why don't you men get to know each other?"

Ronnie sat down in an armchair across from the sofa, crossing his legs and resting his arms on the arms of the chair. Jarrod was struck again how much this young man reminded him of himself at that age. Ronnie said, "Thank you for helping my mother with her finances. I'm afraid I'm not well versed enough in the subject, and Alex as you can see is far more interested in dogs."

Alex had Myrtle on her back, rubbing her belly. "You're just jealous she likes me best."

"How are you fellas liking the Stockton School for Boys?" Jarrod asked.

"It's good," Ronnie said. "I'm learning a lot about things we didn't study back home."

Alex said, "It's all right, but I miss my friends."

"It takes a while to make new ones," Jarrod said.

"Are you married, Mr. Barkley?" Alex asked abruptly.

"No, I'm not," Jarrod said, a little surprised at the bluntness but not really offended at all.

"Did you go to the Stockton School?"

"No, it hadn't been started when I went to school," Jarrod said.

"You're being very nosy," Ronnie said to his brother.

"Ma said we should get to know each other," Alex said.

"I think she wants him to know more about us," Ronnie said. "Like what we want to be when we're grown."

"I want to run a ranch," Alex said.

"First you have to get one," Ronnie said.

"I will."

Jarrod smiled. Now he was reminded of himself and Nick at these ages. "How about you, Ronnie? It's getting to be time for you to think seriously about what you want to do."

"I've thought about being a lawyer," Ronnie said. "I've also thought about being a doctor."

"Ronnie's gonna start working for the pharmacist after school," Alex said.

"That's a good idea," Jarrod said. "How about you, Alex? Are you looking for a job?"

"I have one," Alex said. "I help clean out the old coals from the blacksmith's before school every morning."

"Doesn't that get you a little dirty?" Jarrod asked.

"I clean up good," Alex said.

Jarrod noticed the photograph on the mantle. There was only one, a picture of Lilian and a man. Ronnie noticed him looking. "That's our father," he said. "I was named after him."

"I'm so sorry you've lost him," Jarrod said.

"Do you have a father, Mr. Barkley?" Alex asked, bluntly again.

"No," Jarrod said. "No, my father died, too, many years ago."

"That's his father, that statue in town," Ronnie said.

"Oh," Alex said. "He was a big man around here, to get his own statue."

"Yes, he was a big man," Jarrod said.

Lilian came in again. "I'm just about to put the food on the table. Why don't you boys wash up?"

Both boys got up without a word and headed upstairs to the wc. Jarrod got up and joined Lilian at the door to the kitchen. "Smells delicious," he said. "Those are fine boys you have there. They seem to be adjusting to all the changes."

"They're doing pretty well," Lilian said, "but sometimes I wonder if it's all for my benefit."

"What do you mean?"

"They seem to be putting up a brave front, without their father. Acting like they don't even miss him, when I know they must."

"I guess they both want to show you they can be men," Jarrod said.

"But they're not, not yet," Lilian said. "I wish – well, I suppose there's something in a mother that wishes her children could grow up more slowly and not go rushing away from her so soon, or at least not be forced to."

Jarrod laughed a little. "I'll agree with you on that, though I believe my mother is finally getting to the point that she wishes we would hurry up and leave. Can I help you get the food on the table?"

Lilian smiled. "Thank you. I'd like that."

XXXXXXXX

It was after ten when Jarrod got home. Only his mother was still up, on the settee in the living room reading. She looked up when she heard the front door close. Jarrod tossed his hat onto the table in the foyer and came into the living room, saying, "Don't tell me you waited up for me."

"No, not exactly," Victoria said. "I was just restless and couldn't get to sleep, so I came down here to read."

Jarrod kissed her. "And to wait up for me."

Victoria chuckled. "How was your evening?"

"Very nice," Jarrod said and sat down beside her. "Lilian is a very good cook."

"What did you think of her sons?" she asked, closing her book.

"Nice young men. Reminded me a lot of Nick and me when we were that age. Ronnie is deciding whether to become a lawyer or a doctor – he's leaning toward doctor – and Alex is more interested in dogs and ranching."

"That does sound like the two of you," Victoria said. "Do you think you'll see her socially again?"

"Well, I'm not sure you could call tonight a social call," he said. "We had two chaperones, after all, not counting the dog, who seemed to like me an awful lot too. She just about came home with me."

"Perhaps the next time you can risk being without the chaperones."

Jarrod chuckled. "You are anxious to get me married off, aren't you?"

"I want you to be happy, darling, and I think you need someone," Victoria said sincerely, and then added, "and I'm getting tired of waiting around for grandchildren."

Jarrod put his arm around her and drew her close. "I know, you've been worried about me and I'm sorry." And she didn't know the half of his social activities over the last couple years. At least, he didn't think she knew that while he was not lining up a new wife, he was not keeping to himself either.

If she did know, she didn't say so now. "I want you to be happy," she repeated. "And I think you need someone."

"Duly noted," Jarrod said, got up and lifted her with him. "Now, let's see if you can get some sleep."

Victoria put her book down, and they walked to the stairs, arms around each other. "Plans for tomorrow?" she asked.

"Back to work," Jarrod said. "And after that – we'll see."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

About a week later Nick and Heath were in town for supplies. They were really loading up because they had run short of certain things and didn't want it to happen again. "Maybe we ought to see if Jarrod wants to buy us lunch," Nick suggested, wiping his brow and putting his hat back on.

Heath had noticed something and pointed up the street at a couple coming toward them from the courthouse, arm in arm. "I think Big Brother already has a date."

Nick looked. "Well, well. Do you suppose that's the mysterious Lilian?"

"Could be," Heath said.

Jarrod spotted them, and the look on his face was part alarmed, but part gloating. "I see my brothers are in town," he said to Lilian walking beside him. "Why don't I introduce you?"

"Hello, Jarrod," Heath said as Jarrod and Lilian came up to them and stopped.

"Heath, Nick, may I present Mrs. Lilian Henshaw," Jarrod said. "Lilian, these are my brothers. Don't judge them by first impressions – they'll grow on you."

Both Nick and Heath tipped their hats, and Lilian acknowledged them with a nod. "Jarrod's told me a lot about you."

"Don't believe a word of it," Nick said.

"How do you like our little city?" Heath asked. "I understand you haven't been here a month yet."

"A month next week," Lilian said. "My boys and I are settling in quite nicely, thank you. Thanks to your brother here who has put all my legal and financial worries to rest."

"He's kept us going pretty well," Nick admitted.

Jarrod said, "If you two outlaws will excuse us, Lilian has time constraints, and we're headed for the Cattlemen's for lunch. I'd invite you, but four's a crowd."

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Henshaw," Heath said politely as he and Nick tipped hats again.

"Lilian, please," she said.

Jarrod and Lilian walked on together. Nick and Heath both watched them, and Nick said, "That's one fine looking woman."

"They go good together," Heath said. "It would be nice if Brother Jarrod could get beyond the past and settle down with someone like her."

"Yeah," Nick said.

But there was something in Nick's "yeah" that Heath took note of. Not that Lilian was really his type – she was beautiful but not as strikingly beautiful as the women Nick tended to go for. But Nick certainly was admiring the view as she walked away. "Jarrod saw her first, Nick."

"What?" Nick asked, snapping back.

"Jarrod saw her first," Heath repeated. "Besides, she's a few years too old for you."

"Naw, that's nothing," Nick said. "Not with a beautiful woman like that."

Now Heath was really paying attention. Nick was seeing a beauty that wasn't his usual attention-getter. Heath had been kidding with his "Jarrod saw her first," but now, something in Nick's eyes was telling him he shouldn't be so flip about it.

And who could understand what it was that made a woman attractive to a man, or a man to a woman? Nick usually appreciated the beauty of a woman who was a bit more stunning than Jarrod's preference for softness and charisma. Lilian was beautiful in a Jarrod sort of way, but who's to say what attracted Nick in a woman would always stay the same? Who's to say he and Jarrod might not be attracted to the same woman?

_Uh-oh_, Heath thought, but then he shook it off. Nick was just looking, admiring. Nick did that a lot. Maybe it was just the way she moved he was appreciating. Heath said, "Let's get back to work, Nick," and hoped that if there was any budding infatuation here, it would blow right on by. With Nick, it often did.

But it still took Nick a moment to break away from watching Lilian and Jarrod walk away.

XXXXXXX

Jarrod came into the library after dinner that night, as Nick and Heath were playing pool and Victoria and Audra were knitting together on the sofa. Everyone looked at Jarrod. Everyone was smirking a bit.

"Well, well," Nick said. "Working late?"

"I had a dinner engagement," Jarrod said with a touch of _eat your heart out_ in his attitude.

"With the beautiful Mrs. Lilian?"

"Oh, you've met Lilian?" Victoria asked.

"Met her today," Nick said. "Jarrod was taking her to lunch. And now dinner?"

Jarrod nodded. "Without chaperones."

Now everyone was interested. Heath said, "Now I'm getting a bit jealous."

"You may have to fight me for her," Jarrod said. "She is quite a lady."

"Tell us about her," Audra urged.

"A widow from Sacramento, two sons studying at the Stockton School for Boys. A farmer's wife, but quite the refined lady for a farmer's wife. She sold the farm when her husband died and moved here about a month ago so the boys could go to school." Jarrod looked Audra's way, knowing she was more interested in other aspects. "She doesn't dress elegantly but she is quite the beauty. Dark brown hair, sparkling blue eyes – like mine!" He batted his eyelashes at his sister.

"You must invite her and her boys for dinner, Jarrod," Victoria said. "Perhaps this coming Friday evening."

"I will do so," Jarrod said.

Heath noticed a look in Nick's eyes. Nick was happy his brother was interested in someone again – that was obvious. But there actually seemed to be a touch of jealousy in Nick's demeanor, too. Maybe it wasn't about Lilian specifically. Maybe Nick was just jealous he wasn't finding anyone of his own yet. But there was that funny look there, that look of feeling left out.

When they were the last two left in the library, finishing up their game of pool, Heath decided to show a little more interest in his brother's attitude. "You been quiet for a while, Nick."

"Just getting tired," Nick said. "Best we call it a night after this."

"What do you think of this Lilian?"

Nick took a shot and shrugged. "We only just met her. I don't know enough about her to think much of anything."

"Except she is a fine looking woman."

Nick smiled a little. "She is that. I know big brother has never been as set on looks in a woman as I have, but he sure does seem to find some lovely women, doesn't he?"

Heath thought about it. "Yeah, you know, that's the difference between you two, I think. You go for a kind of beauty that Jarrod doesn't seem as interested in. He likes a lovely woman."

"What's the difference?" Nick asked and took another shot.

Heath shrugged. "Jarrod likes his women softer than you do. Softer and warmer. You, you go for a smashingly beautiful woman every time."

Nick grunted. "Maybe that's why I'm not doing that well in the women department. Not that many smashingly beautiful women around."

"No, and the ones you've chosen haven't been all that soft and warm, either," Heath said and started to wonder if he was intruding a little too far into Nick's love life, or lack of one.

Nick gave him a look. "You saying I ought to think more like our big brother when it comes to women?"

"No, Nick, I'm not saying that, not really," Heath said. "I'm just saying that maybe you're missing something by not paying attention to the soft and warm."

Nick missed his shot, and Heath took over the table. As Heath took his shot, Nick thought about what he'd been saying. "All right, I'll grant you that the prettier the face, the harder I fall. And I'll admit that pretty is only skin deep and maybe I ought to be looking deeper. But a man can't fight his basic nature, now can he?"

Heath sank his last ball and stood up. "No. But a man can broaden his horizons. I'm not saying you should be going after Jarrod's girl – "

"I'm not interested in going after Jarrod's girl!"

Heath was taken a bit aback by the way Nick put that. It sounded a bit on the defensive side, and Heath remembered that long appreciative look he gave Lilian as she and Jarrod were walking away in Stockton. "I didn't say you were, Nick. But there are a lot of girls around town who are fine looking and warm, and you're missing them. Maybe you ought not skip over them so easily."

Nick grumbled again as they put their pool cues away and headed out of the library. It was a maybe-you-have-a-point grumble. Heath decided it was time to let the whole subject go, because he still had an uncomfortable tickle inside thinking about Nick's reaction to Lilian in town, and his reaction just now to "Jarrod's girl." He just hoped that maybe, just maybe, what he'd said to Nick might steer him to looking at more women than he'd been used to looking at – and maybe not at Lilian, if in fact he really was looking at her.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Family," Jarrod said as he escorted Lilian and her boys into the house, "this is Mrs. Lilian Henshaw, and her sons Ronnie and Alex. Lilian, you've already met my brothers, Nick and Heath. This is my mother, and my sister Audra."

Handshakes went around. The boys stood awkwardly, silent and reserved but shaking hands with Nick and Heath. A few minutes of welcome escorting the visitors into the living room, followed by sherry for the adults and sparkling mineral water for the boys, and the small talk started up. Nick, who had served the drinks, saw Alex let a funny face at the taste of the mineral water slip out. Nick smiled and said, "You know, why don't we go see what Silas might have in the kitchen? I know, when I was a kid and the drinks went around, I always wanted to see what Silas might have stashed away that tasted better."

"Sometimes you still do," Audra said.

Nick herded the boys back to the kitchen, where he found Silas working hard to get dinner prepared. But Silas still had a smile for his visitors. "Silas, we're looking for some of that milk you used to have ready for me when we had guests," Nick said.

"It's in the ice box, Mr. Nick," Silas said. "I thought you might be wanting some."

"Boys, this is Silas, our houseman," Nick said as he fetched three glasses, put them on the table and went to the icebox. "Silas, this is Ronnie and Alex Henshaw."

Silas bowed slightly. "It's very nice to meet you boys," Silas said and kept working at his cooking.

Nick poured three half glasses of the milk and put the pitcher back in the ice box. "Try some of that," he said.

Ronnie and Alex each picked up a glass, wondering why milk was going to be anything but milk. But they tasted, and it was. Nick drank some of his, leaving him with a white moustache. Alex liked what he was tasting. "What's in this?"

"A little of the ice cream you're gonna have with your dessert tonight," Silas said. Then he looked up and smiled at Nick. "Always used to put Mr. Nick in a party mood when he was a boy."

"Still does," Nick admitted. "Thank you, Silas."

Nick herded the boys back into the living room, where the adults were talking. Lilian was seated in Jarrod's "thinking chair," and he was standing attentively beside her. The visiting and chatter went on for a good half hour before Silas came in and announced that dinner was served.

Dinner was a quiet and friendly affair. The thing that everyone noticed the most was how much Alex liked the food, but then Jarrod at least knew that while steak and potatoes was common on a ranch, it probably wasn't in the Henshaw household. The budget wasn't there. Ronnie was more reserved with his eating habits – he even poked Alex one time to get him to slow his gobbling down – but when the cake with ice cream rolled around, everyone was gobbling.

After dinner, Nick and Heath rounded up the boys and took them out to the stables. Jarrod took Lilian out to the verandah, and they watched together in the dusky light as Heath led a large Percheron mare out of one of the back stables and into the corral. Jarrod smiled, watching his middle brother gesture, describing the massive horse to these young boys.

"Even Ronnie looks interested," Lilian said, "and horses are not really his big interest in life."

"Well, when Nick gets animated like that, he carries everyone along with him," Jarrod said. "Those Percherons are his pride and joy these days."

"He likes kids, too, doesn't he?"

"Yes, he does, and it looks like he's taking to Ronnie and Alex. He should have a few by now, but for some reason it hasn't happened."

Lilian looked at Jarrod. "You should have a few, too."

Jarrod hadn't told Lilian much about his marriage, just that he was widowed. Having children around right now was exactly what he had planned with Beth, his wife, but a bullet put an end to that dream. Jarrod decided he really didn't want to get into all that with Lilian. "It didn't work out that way," was all he said.

"Well," Lilian said, "both you and Nick are welcome to borrow mine any time you'd like them."

Jarrod chuckled. "Nick might take you up on that, but my schedule is pretty well booked for the next few weeks. Come Sunday afternoon I have to head to San Francisco for a while."

Lilian looked disappointed. "Oh?"

"I have a big trial scheduled there, involves some men in politics," Jarrod said. "That always ends up being more complicated than I planned. After that, I have to go to Sacramento for more politics – committee meetings about some changes to the rules that govern my profession. I'm afraid I'll be gone for quite a while." He considered whether to say the next – was it too soon? But he said it. "I'll miss you."

Lilian said, "I'll miss you too. I've enjoyed your company."

Jarrod took her hand. "I've enjoyed being with you, too, and I'm sorry I have to go, but my profession does draw me away for long periods sometimes."

"I'm sure you miss your family when you're gone."

"I do, but I'm used to it and so are they. Sometimes I think I could be gone for six months and they'd barely notice."

Lilian said, "I hope you won't be gone that long this time."

"I shouldn't be," Jarrod said. Then he decided to ask about something else. "When I'm in Sacramento – do you want me to start looking into Ron's death? I know you could use the money from the insurance policy, and frankly, to me it sounds like the insurance company just ran you over with this suicide decision."

Lilian grew sober. "The coroner ruled suicide too."

"I know the coroner up there," Jarrod said. "I could at least have a talk with him, if you want me to."

Lilian shook her head. "I don't know, Jarrod."

Jarrod reached into his inner jacket pocket and pulled out one of his San Francisco business cards. "This is my office in San Francisco. I won't do any looking if you don't want me to, but if you decide you do, write to me. I'll be in San Francisco for at least three weeks. I'll wire you when I'm ready to go to Sacramento. Maybe by then you'll be more interested."

Lilian took the card and put it in the pocket of her dress. "I know that you know how hard it is to think about your spouse's death when you're trying to get over it. And I am still trying to get over it." She looked up at Nick, Heath and her sons, now in the corral with the Percheron mare, who made Alex look like a baby. "And so are my sons. I'll think about it."

Jarrod gave a look out to his brothers and Lilian's boys. "I hope you'll consider staying in touch with my family while I'm gone. Nick and Heath especially might be good for the boys."

Lilian smiled. "Assuming that's all right with your family, I'll definitely do that. Alex especially could use some attention from a rancher. He thinks he wants to be one, but I'm sure he doesn't appreciate the work that's involved."

"If Nick hasn't invited him out here for a workday yet, I'll ask him to," Jarrod said. "Brother Nick is a good egg."

Lilian looked Nick's way and smiled. "He seems to be."

When it came time for the Henshaws to leave, Nick was right there at the buggy to help the boys get in. Jarrod assisted Lilian in first - their hands lingering together for just a moment while Nick herded the boys forward. Nick didn't notice, being too busy with the boys. Jarrod backed away and let Nick get Ronnie and Alex safely in, saying as he gave Alex a boost, "I'm awfully glad you folks came out," and then he reached for Lilian's hand.

She took Nick's hand, and Lilian said, "Thanks for showing the boys around, Nick," and let go his hand.

"My pleasure," Nick said.

"Be careful going home," Jarrod said.

"Good night," each of the Henshaws said and Lilian drove them away.

Jarrod and Nick watched them go. "Nice family," Nick said.

"Yes," Jarrod said.

XXXXXXX

At the end of church on Sunday, the Barkley family filed out together, but not all of them were going home. Jarrod took a moment to bid Lilian and her boys good-bye before they headed down the street. He rejoined his family then, fetched his briefcase out of the back of the surrey and prepared to walk to the railroad station not far away. He had plenty of clothes in San Francisco so he did not need a suitcase, but even without that signal that said he would be out of town for a while, everyone who knew him knew he was going, by the way he kissed his mother and sister, and shook hands with his brothers.

"You'll wire us when you get there?" Victoria asked.

She always asked the same thing. It was always more of an expectation than a question. "I will," Jarrod said.

As he shook Nick's hand, Nick said, "I'll walk you to the depot."

"No need, Nick, I know the way," Jarrod said.

"I know you know the way," Nick said. "Maybe I just want to discuss one or two things with you before you leave."

"All right," Jarrod said and gave a tip of his hat to his family as he and Nick headed up the street. "What do you want to talk about?" Jarrod asked as soon as they were out of earshot, just in case Nick wanted a private word.

"You're gonna be in San Francisco for a while, and Audra is already making noises about a visit," Nick said. "Should I rein her in?"

"I'm gonna be tied up all day every day with work," Jarrod said. "But you know she can entertain herself if she comes, Mother too, so I wouldn't worry about it."

"Don't let yourself work too hard, now," Nick said. "You're not as young as you used to be."

Jarrod laughed. "I'll pace myself."

"Lilian's gonna miss you, you know," Nick suddenly changed the subject.

Jarrod hesitated, but then admitted, "I'll miss her too."

"What's happening with you two? Are you – getting interested in each other?"

"I don't know," Jarrod said. "I suppose this trip will let us know something in that regard. Why? Are you planning to snatch her away from me while I'm gone?"

Now Nick chuckled, but it was an odd chuckle. He hadn't expected Jarrod to tease him that way. Or was it a tease? Jarrod looked at his brother with a raised eyebrow, waiting for Nick to say something. But Nick was having some trouble with coming up with an answer.

Jarrod let him off the hook. "I was hoping you might spend some time with her boys, invite them out for a workday or something. I know she'd like Alex to get a taste of what you do on the ranch."

"I'd like to have him along," Nick said. "It's just – I really don't want to horn in on your girl while you're out of town."

"I'm the cat and you're one of the mice," Jarrod said. "Are you attracted to Lilian?"

"Well, I can't say that. I hardly know her, but she is something, Jarrod."

"I know," Jarrod said. And then he recognized that look in his brother's eyes. They seldom, if ever, became interested in the same woman, but Lilian had aspects that Jarrod knew both he and Nick would find attractive. A twinge of jealousy got him, but he let it roll off him and gave a sigh. All was fair in love and war, wasn't it? "Maybe we ought to just let nature takes its course. If she misses me enough, if I miss her enough, well, that will tell the tale at least as far as the two of us are concerned. If you're around each other and things start shoving me out of the picture – "

"That's just it, Jarrod. I wouldn't want to do that to you, if you think you might have something with Lilian."

"Time will tell, Nick," Jarrod said. "Lilian has a great big fat say in this too, you know. If fact, she has the final say. She's still a new widow. She might not be interested in either one of us."

They had reached the depot, and Jarrod started up the stairs to the waiting room on the platform. He reached a hand to his younger brother, and Nick took it, saying, "I know she's a new widow and I don't want you leaving thinking that I'm gonna move right in on her as fast as I can. I know that's my usual – what do you lawyers call it? Modus operandi?"

Jarrod laughed. "You always do that within the first five minutes of meeting a woman, if you're gonna do it. Don't worry about me, Nick. If we end up being rivals on this, I'll duke it out with you when I get back. I won't be giving up on Lilian unless she gives up on me. You just make sure you don't hurt that fine woman or her sons." He said that with a very serious glare.

Nick shook his head as he let go of Jarrod's hand. "I won't be hurting anyone, at least as far as I'm able. You have a real good trial up in San Francisco, and have a real good – whatever it is you're gonna be up to in Sacramento."

"I intend to," Jarrod said, and then he went into the depot and was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The first week went by fast. Jarrod telegraphed as soon as he got to San Francisco, but after that they heard nothing from him. Everyone knew he was far too busy with his trial, so they did not worry at all. Nick was too busy with the ranch to see Lilian or her sons, or to invite the boys out to the ranch for a workday, but at the end of the week, Saturday night and a dance in town rolled around. All of the Barkleys made sure to make time to attend.

The dance was being held at the park near the courthouse in Stockton, spilling over into the street. The weather was clear and comfortable that evening, and lanterns were lit everywhere as the light began to fade into darkness. People were dressed in their finery and ready to impress. Heath helped Victoria and Audra out of the surrey after Nick found a place to park it, down near Jarrod's office. The four of them walked together up the street to the party, Audra's eyes sparkling the most. Several sets of eyes were turning her way.

Heath noticed. "Got your dance card handy?" he asked.

"In my pocket," Audra said and headed for the fun.

Not far behind her, Victoria said, "I'd better chaperone. I'll leave you two to chaperone each other."

Nick and Heath laughed, following along more slowly, scanning the crowd. Neither one was looking for anyone in particular, just a few ladies who might be good dancing partners. The music was already playing and people were already dancing, so it was easy to see who the best dancers were. It was only a few seconds before they saw Audra dancing with one of the clerks from the bank – and their mother was dancing with the bank manager.

"Boy, howdy, we've been left behind already," Heath said.

He and Nick stopped at the edge of the crowd and scanned more. That was when Nick saw Ronnie Henshaw dancing with one of Judge Parker's daughters. They were both awkward dancers, but at their age, practically everything was awkward. Nick didn't see Alex Henshaw anywhere, but he spotted Lilian sitting at a picnic table in the park, talking to Judge Parker's wife. The judge wasn't anywhere around.

"See ya," Nick said and immediately headed for the two women.

Not to be abandoned, Heath followed along and reached the picnic table as Nick was bowing politely, saying, "How is it you two lovely ladies have been left unnoticed and unattended?"

Both women laughed. Mrs. Parker said, "The Judge is off in court, I'm afraid. Trials don't pause for parties when the jury is out, not even on a Saturday night. He said he'd come by if things wrap up in time." She looked up at the courthouse and saw a light on in the lower front room. "And it looks like it hasn't wrapped up."

"My escort has found another dancing partner," Lilian said and nodded toward Ronnie.

"Where's Alex?" Heath asked.

"Home with an assignment to write an essay discussing why he will never again neglect to tell me that he's been disciplined at school," Lilian said. "He got into an argument with another boy and some shoving took place."

"No one hurt, I hope," Nick said.

"No," Lilian said, "but Alex thought he could get away without telling me about it. Then this morning I saw the teacher at the mercantile."

Nick chuckled. "Sounds like one or two little problems I got into in school myself."

"I expect there were more than one or two," Heath put in.

Nick gave him a sideways glance and then turned back to Lilian. "Lilian, may I ask you for a dance or two?" He held his hand out politely.

Lilian stood up, saying, "How can I refuse?"

The two of them went off to dance, and Heath offered his hand to Mrs. Parker. "I'm sorry I'm not the Judge, but maybe you'd favor me with a dance anyway?"

Mrs. Parker took his hand. "I'd love it."

As they took to dancing, Nick said to Lilian, "I'm sure you wish I were Brother Jarrod, but I'm afraid he's barely gotten started in San Francisco."

Lilian laughed a little. "Jarrod and I haven't put the rings on, Nick. I'm sure he wouldn't mind you dancing with me, and I certainly don't. You're quite a good dancer, you know?"

"Ah, well, you can thank my mother for that. She made sure Jarrod and I knew how a proper gentleman should dance with a lady. Of course, she also made sure we knew how to play cutthroat poker, so right there you have my mother, from A to Z."

Lilian laughed again. "She certainly raised _two_ charming sons."

"Big Brother Jarrod may have me beat in the charm department, but I'm watching and learning. Now, our little brother Heath may outdo us both where attracting the ladies are concerned, but then we have a few years on him and the advantage of experience."

"Are you seeing anyone regularly, Nick?"

Nick was surprised at the question, but answered, "No, not right now, I'm not." He knew better than to take that road any farther. Lilian was not only someone who was closer to his older brother. She was still a new widow, and vulnerable. He liked what he saw and he liked what he was holding in his arms right now, but he was a gentleman and would never take advantage, even if she wasn't Jarrod's girl.

Jarrod's girl. Now why in the world did he just think of her that way? Hadn't she just said they "hadn't put the rings on yet?" Didn't Jarrod say they were still deciding if they were going to have a relationship or not? Neither she nor Jarrod seemed to think of her as Jarrod's girl.

Nick turned the conversation from who was seeing someone and who wasn't, to idle chatter. How did Lilian like Stockton? How were the boys doing at school? How was Ronnie doing at his job? Lilian finally said, "And you, Nick? How are things at the ranch? You pretty well mesmerized Alex with your Percherons when we came to dinner."

"My breeding plans are going pretty well," Nick said. "You know, maybe we ought to plan some time on the ranch for your boys, especially Alex, so they can see what it's really like."

"Not just now," Lilian said. "Alex has some penance to do. But in a week or two, if he can keep himself on the straight and narrow. Thanks for offering, Nick. Alex could use a guiding hand soon, if not now, I think. I don't want him getting into any more trouble."

"I'm sure he'll be all right," Nick said. "I'll get him out on the ranch and turn him into a right good cow poke in a year or two if he wants to keep it up. Boys can start awful young, you know."

"Especially boys without a father," Lilian said. Then she realized what she said. "Not that I'm suggesting you as a surrogate father."

Nick chuckled a little. "Maybe my big brother might be a better choice for that job."

"Jarrod and I are just friends, Nick," Lilian said. "I don't think he's been looking for fatherhood."

"Well, we never know what's gonna happen in this world, do we?" Nick asked.

The music ended, but only long enough for people to change partners or pass on the next song if they wanted to, but Nick and Lilian remained with each other, talking idly again. At least they thought it was idle. Victoria and Audra gave up their partners and sought out an empty picnic table, where they sat down, both noticing Nick and Lilian.

"Mother," Audra said, "do you think Jarrod is interested in Lilian?"

"I don't know," Victoria said. "He's seen her a few times, but I don't know if he's had time to decide if he's interested in her or not. That case in San Francisco was weighing on his mind, I know."

They were both still looking at Nick and Lilian. "Nick's got that look in his eye," Audra said.

"He usually gets that look when he's talking to a beautiful woman," Victoria said. "I don't know how interested a look that is though."

The music started up again, and Nick and Lilian began dancing again. "She's only been a widow for a very short time," Audra said. "I hope Nick wouldn't – " She stopped.

Victoria had a feeling how her daughter might have completed that sentence. "I don't think Nick would take advantage, and if he thought Jarrod and Lilian were beginning to be attached, I don't think he'd get in between that."

"I hope not," Audra said.

Victoria sighed, with resolution at the end of the sigh. "In any event, Audra, one thing I've learned to do over the years is to stay out of my sons' business, unless they ask me in or start hurting the rest of us. If anything goes on with Lilian, I intend to let Nick and Jarrod sort it out themselves unless it comes back on us. I suggest you do the same."

"I was planning to," Audra said, and smiled at her mother. "I've been paying attention and learning my lessons, Mother."

"Good," Victoria said with a smile.

XXXXXXX

At that time in San Francisco, Jarrod was finishing up his dinner and starting to write a couple letters home. The week and the trial had been grueling and he was far too tired to go out, so he just had his houseman prepare food for him and then sent him home. "I'll clean up," Jarrod said. "I could use the diversion."

Jarrod nursed his coffee at the dining table as he wrote. His first letter was to his family, letting his mother and sister know they were welcome to come for a holiday in San Francisco as long as they realized he would not be available to entertain them. He didn't say much about the trial except that it was taking up all his time and looked like it would for at least two or three more weeks.

Then he wrote to Lilian, but was having trouble deciding what to say and how to say it. He didn't want to seem too eager, nor did he want to seem too blasé. It was tough to get the right balance, and he was getting more and more tired despite the coffee. He ended up just saying he missed her, he hoped all was well and that he hoped she had stayed in contact with his family. He told her not to expect him back in Stockton for at least a month and said he'd still be willing to talk to the coroner in Sacramento about her husband if she decided she wanted him to.

Then he ended up signing it, "Hoping to see you and the boys before too long, Jarrod." Noncommittal, but interested. At least that's how he meant it to sound.

Then Jarrod was just too tired to keep going. He cleaned up the dinner dishes and put them away, and then he cleaned up himself and went to bed. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

On the following Tuesday, Nick came to town to do some banking. It was still early in the day and as he was leaving the bank he decided a cup of coffee would suit him before he headed home. He crossed the street to go to the café at the Stockton House, but then he saw Lilian coming up the street, heading toward the courthouse. She should be working at this hour, he thought, and he also thought she didn't look too happy. She was staring at the ground as she walked, eyes narrowed. Nick waited until she had practically walked into him before he said, "Good morning, Lilian."

Startled, she stopped and looked up as Nick tipped his hat with a smile. She let out a relieved breath. "Oh, Nick, I'm sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going."

"I noticed," Nick said. "You look like you're carrying a few problems this morning. Is there anything I can do?"

Lilian realized he had probably seen the look on her face, and at the same time she realized that maybe there was something he could do. "Maybe."

Nick motioned toward the café. "Let me buy you a cup of coffee."

"I need to get to work."

"A few minutes won't matter," Nick said. He took her arm.

She let him, and in a few moments they were seated, drinking coffee. Lilian was staring into it, and she said quietly, right away, "Alex is in trouble in school again. They called me over there from the office because he'd gotten into a fist fight this time. They may expel him if it happens again."

Now Nick frowned. "He didn't hurt the other boy bad, did he?"

"No, just a bruise beside the eye. Alex actually took the worst of it, but he started the fight, so he gets the worst of the blame, too. Nick, I don't know what I'm going to do with that boy."

"Do you have any clue why he's getting into trouble?"

She nodded. "He's taken his father's death harder than Ronnie has, maybe because he's younger, I don't know. Alex has a lot of anger right below the surface." She considered something, and then nodded, mostly to herself. "I think it's because he really believes his father committed suicide, not that it was an accident."

"What do you believe?"

"I don't know anymore. The coroner ruled suicide, but I never believed it, but as time goes on – Jarrod's offered to check into it while he's in Sacramento. I think I'd better let him do that."

Nick smiled just a little. "Well, if anybody can get to the bottom of it, Jarrod can. He was in army intelligence during the war and he still does a lot of investigating in his work. He knows how to ask the right questions of the right people."

Lilian nodded, resolute. "I'll write to him tonight."

"Meanwhile," Nick said, "we talked about Alex coming out to the ranch for a workday sometime. Maybe we ought to make that sooner than we thought, Saturday maybe."

Lilian smiled up at Nick. "Are you ready for a 12-year-old problem child?"

Nick laughed. "I _was_ a 12-year-old problem child. Ask my mother and Jarrod. I remember how my parents got a grip on me. Maybe I can help Alex. You bring him and Ronnie out to the ranch Saturday morning, about nine. I'll meet you at the house. You can spend the day with Mother and Audra while I put the boys to work."

"Are you sure your mother won't mind?"

"It might be more a question of whether you mind. I think Mother is planning to put the vegetable garden in on Saturday. I expect you'll be recruited."

Lilian sighed. "It might be just what I need. Thank you, Nick. Clear it with your mother and let me know tomorrow?"

"I'll do that," Nick said. "Plan to be staying for dinner at the end of the day. It'll be nice to have you all out there again."

Lilian's smile grew. She looked to Nick like he had just lifted a big weight from her shoulders. Nick liked feeling like he had helped – and he liked her smile.

XXXXXXX

Victoria wasted no time in approving the Henshaws' visit on Saturday. "I think we can provide something they all need – the boys some work on the ranch, Lilian some work in the garden."

"The only thing we can't supply is Jarrod," Audra said with a knowing smile.

Funny, how Nick felt a little cringe inside by the way Audra put that. She, at least, was thinking Lilian and Jarrod were together, or would be getting together. Nick tried to hide the cringe and Audra didn't seem to see it, but Victoria did. And Nick saw that she did. He just put his hat back on and headed out the front door, saying, "I'll head back to town and tell Lilian Saturday is on. Thank you, Mother. You're right. This will be something they all need."

As Nick left, Victoria watched him. Audra said, "I would be so happy if Jarrod and Lilian could find each other. I'm sorry he won't be able to be here. Maybe we should wire him and see if he can get away."

"No," Victoria said. She wasn't seeing a relaxing Saturday for anyone if Jarrod came home. She was seeing a lot of discomfort instead, because she could see what Nick was trying hard to hide. He was beginning to have feelings not only for Lilian's boys, but for Lilian, too. And if Jarrod was also having feelings –

Then she saw what was happening in her daughter's eyes, and remembering the conversation from the dance. Audra was concerned that Jarrod did have feelings for Lilian, and Nick was starting to horn in. Audra was feeling protective for Jarrod, since he wasn't here to protect himself.

"Audra," Victoria said, "do you remember what I said the other night, about not getting into your brothers' lives unless what they do directly affects us?"

"Yes, I remember," Audra said, realizing her mother knew what she was thinking, "and you're right. I should mind my own business, at least for now."

"We should mind our own business for good, if we can."

Audra nodded reluctantly. "You're right."

XXXXXXX

Friday evening found Jarrod arriving home just as it was getting dark, after a hellish day in court capped off by an unhappy interview with an insistent reporter. When he closed the door behind him, he was thrilled to be cut off from the world for a while. His houseman came to take his coat and Jarrod gave it up willingly.

"I have some supper waiting in the warmer for you, Mr. Barkley," he said as he hung Jarrod's coat on a hanger at the rack just inside the door.

"Thank you, Steven," Jarrod said. "I know it's late. I can take care of myself if you want to head on home." Steven had a wife and a daughter at home. Jarrod hated keeping him late like this.

"If you're sure, Mr. Barkley," Steven said.

"I'll be fine," Jarrod said. "Anything important in the mail?"

"A letter from a Mrs. Henshaw," Steven said.

Jarrod saw it sitting on the small table at the foot of the stairs. "Thank you, Steven," he said and picked it up. "You can go on. Give my regards to Sally and Pearl."

"Good night, Mr. Barkley," Steven said. He fetched his hat from the hat rack and was out the front door as Jarrod sat down in an armchair and opened Lilian's letter.

It was disturbing, and then uplifting. Lilian described Alex's troubles at school, then how Nick was going to take the boys out into the field this coming Saturday – tomorrow. Lilian told Jarrod that she was grateful Nick was taking them under his wing, because they really needed a male influence since losing their father. That made Jarrod feel better. His brothers were both good with kids, and some work on a ranch would definitely keep Alex occupied with something he was interested in. Ronnie would probably get something out of being with men again, too, and Jarrod could tell Lilian was actually looking forward to some relaxing work in the garden.

Then she asked him to talk to the coroner in Sacramento and look into her husband's death. If there were some way he could show it was not suicide, Lilian thought it would help her sons immeasurably. Jarrod thought it would help her bank account too, if she could get the finding reversed and collect on the life insurance. He smiled to himself, and before he even ate any supper, he quickly penned a letter back to her. Of course he would look into Ron's death as soon as he could, and he was glad Nick had offered to take the boys for a workday on the ranch. Both things were important to the Henshaw family being able to move on. Even if Jarrod wasn't able to disprove suicide, at least they'd be rid of the nagging doubt, and if Alex could get some real work in on a ranch, he would be learning something he was interested in.

Jarrod felt more energized after completing the letter. This time, he signed it, "With affection, Jarrod."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The hard part was in finding a set of chaps that would fit Alex, but one of the smaller hands, a Mexican-Indian named Gomez, had a set that fit him pretty well. Both Alex and Ronnie got their share of smiles as they struggled to put the things over their pants. Alex at least knew what they were. To Ronnie, they were a mystery. "Why am I putting these on?"

Nick said, "They protect your pants and your legs when you end up riding through rough brush. How well can you boys ride?"

"Okay," Ronnie said. "Around town. I never rode through brush before."

"Well, don't worry about it," Heath said. "Your horse will know what he's doing, even if you don't."

"Yeah," Nick said. "Ronnie, Heath is gonna stick with you today. Alex, you're with me. We're just gonna be keeping some cattle from wandering off the north range today."

"How do we do that?" Ronnie asked.

"Wow, you don't know anything, do you?" Alex said.

"Knowing it and doing it are two different things," Heath said. "I'll teach you. It ain't that hard once you move a steer around a little bit."

"Come on," Nick said. "Let's get you boys the right horses."

Victoria, Audra and Lilian were still nursing cups of coffee as they wandered around the planned vegetable garden. Two of the men had tilled it the day before, and it was ready for the women to plan it out, decide which plants would go where and then put them in the ground. But as Nick and Heath led Lilian's boys out of the stable with their horses, Lilian stopped, watched, and smiled. "Times like this I wish I could take a photograph," she said.

Victoria and Audra both smiled. "We'd better be ready for them to be saddle sore by dinner time," Audra said.

"And they'll fall asleep in the buggy on the way home," Victoria said.

Lilian smiled even more. "I'm not sure how Ronnie is going to take today, but I'll bet Alex will be ready for more by tomorrow."

"He's really anxious to be a rancher, is he?"

"He thinks he is," Lilian said.

The day went pretty well for the women, who put beans, squash and corn into the ground. Victoria explained to Lilian that they were known as the three sisters among the Indians back east. They were staples that had kept their ancestors going, all dried and stored in the ground over the winter. Lilian wondered how the Indians kept the vermin out.

"The storage holes were too deep and well-lined for the mice and shrews," Victoria explained. "Too deep for the deer and the fox and coyote, too. The Indians had many generations to work out what they were doing."

After getting the garden in, the women cleaned up and took a walk together. It was very pleasant, and Victoria and Audra got to know Lilian a bit better. Audra had to bite her tongue, to avoid asking Lilian about how she felt about Jarrod and Nick, but she managed to do it. They kept the conversation on Ronnie and Alex a lot, until Lilian gave a sigh, saying, "The boys are really having difficulty without their father. Alex has gotten into trouble a couple times at school. Ronnie is pulling away into himself, working at the pharmacy all the time, hardly saying a word to me or Alex."

"Boys Ronnie's age can have that spell when they get very introspective," Victoria said. "That was the time when Jarrod grew so silent he gave us fits, but it turns out he was just thinking about his future and what he wanted to do with it. He was deciding he was not a rancher, and he was having trouble figuring out how to tell us."

"I'm sure Nick didn't have that problem," Lilian said with a smile.

"No, Nick is like Alex," Victoria said. "He was set on being a rancher the first day his father took him out into the field. I think he was six. He came back in bubbling over with how he had learned how to turn a steer or make a cutting horse do what he wanted it to do. From that moment on, Nick was a rancher."

"Well, I don't know if Alex will come in that way, but I'm grateful to Nick and Heath for taking the boys out," Lilian said. "And Nick's a fine man. Maybe he'll be able to straighten Alex out."

Victoria decided she wanted to get the conversation off Nick. "Heath is a good man too, but quieter. Maybe he will be able to reach Ronnie."

"Regardless, I appreciate the help," Lilian said.

Audra had been listening, and noticing. Lilian hadn't said one word about Jarrod. When Victoria mentioned him as a boy, Lilian went straight to talking about Nick. Audra didn't know if her mother noticed, and she thought about asking after the Henshaws went home, but she decided against it. Victoria had made it clear she was going to stay out of her sons' business, so Audra reluctantly decided to do the same. But she worried about what might happen when Jarrod came home, if Lilian and Nick had grown closer by then. She was still feeling protective of her Pappy, but knew there was no way she could have any influence on how Lilian took to either of her brothers. Nevertheless, she worried.

XXXXXXX

Nick, Heath, Ronnie and Alex came wandering in just after four. The boys looked exhausted and saddle worn, but Nick and Heath were smiling. "These guys did great!" Nick gushed.

Lilian smiled. "That's wonderful! What did you do?"

"Herded cattle!" Alex said with some enthusiasm. "Ate beef stew from a big kettle over the fire! Drank coffee!"

"Got sore," Ronnie said, but he admitted, "it was kinda fun."

"All right, you guys, we're gonna go clean up for dinner," Nick said.

"I put their clean clothes in the bathroom," Victoria said as the menfolk climbed the stairs.

"Can you hire me on?" they heard Alex ask Nick.

"Well, we'll have to see about that," Nick said as they all disappeared upstairs.

Lilian looked at Victoria. "He really doesn't mean that."

Victoria laughed. "Don't be so sure. Nick was demanding a salary at that age, and he got it, too."

"Jarrod had gone away to school by then," Audra said. Then realized she had better explain. "Oh, I wasn't old enough to know what was going on, and only a year later the war broke out and Jarrod went off to fight. I really don't remember any of that myself."

"Jarrod hasn't mentioned fighting in the war," Lilian said.

"Nick and Heath both served, too, but they don't talk about it, especially not around us," Victoria said.

Lilian sighed. "I'm grateful my boys aren't facing that. They're dealing with enough as it is, losing their father."

"How are you doing?" Audra asked, before she realized she might be slipping off into the triangle that might be developing between her brothers and Lilian.

But Lilian took it in stride. "Coming along," she said. "I've appreciated your help, and Jarrod's with all my business and legal issues, and Nick and Heath with the boys. I'm getting better."

They left it at that. Before long, the men were coming back downstairs, cleaned up and in clean clothes. When Heath headed for the refreshment table, Alex said, "Can we see if Silas has any of that milk in the ice box?"

Nick laughed and guided Alex by the neck toward the kitchen, but Ronnie said, "I think I'd like some of that sparkly water instead."

As Nick and Alex went off to the kitchen, Heath poured Ronnie some mineral water. Ronnie seemed a bit startled at the first sip, but he kept on drinking. He walked to where his mother sat in Jarrod's "thinking chair" and stood behind her. Like a man, Victoria thought, and she remembered times when Jarrod, at that age, started to act more like a man than a boy.

Victoria thought to herself, _Jarrod is what Ronnie needs, and Nick is what Alex needs. How in the world is this going to play itself out?_ And for the n'th time, she reminded herself of her advice to Audra – stay out of it, until it spilled over to the rest of them. She hoped it never would, because she didn't want to have to take sides between her own sons. If there was a choice to be made, it should be made by Lilian, and Victoria just hoped that whoever got hurt didn't get hurt too much.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

It was later the next week that Lilian picked up another letter from Jarrod. He had written several since he'd been gone, each one a little more intimate and a little less newsy. The one before this one had actually said he was missing her more than he thought he would. Lilian wasn't sure how she felt about that. More than flattered, yes, but at the same time uneasy, and she knew why.

Her feelings for Jarrod had grown while he was gone – absence did make the heart grow fonder. The tone of his letters changing had made her think and made her feel and yes, she missed him. It wasn't like missing a lover, not yet, but more like missing the possibility of love. More like love not blossoming but paused. More like a flower out of reach that she wanted to hold and see if she liked the feel and the fragrance.

But at the same time, there was Nick. Fun-loving, fatherly Nick who was growing closer to her boys and yes, growing closer to her, too. Lilian had seen him in town once since the trip out to the ranch when he'd taken the boys out to work. "Alex can't stop talking about riding herd," she told Nick when she ran into him outside the courthouse. "I need to thank you again for taking them under your wing like that."

"It was my pleasure," Nick said. "I'm very glad you came too. It was nice to spend a little time with all of you."

But then Jarrod's latest letter came. Lilian read it, unaware Ronnie was trying to look over her shoulder as she did. Ronnie only caught a word or two, but the words he caught made him pay attention. "Is that from Mr. Jarrod?"

"Yes," Lilian said. "His trial in San Francisco is almost over. He's planning to be in Sacramento by Monday."

"He's not coming back here yet?"

"No. He has business in Sacramento." Lilian held the letter closer to her and thought about whether to say the next thing – did Ronnie need to know this? She decided that he was old enough and ought to. "He's going to look into your father's death while he's there."

Ronnie perked up. "What do you mean, look into it?"

"He wants to see if there's any doubt about – how your father died, whether it was suicide or not. He wants us to be able to get the life insurance money."

Ronnie frowned.

Lilian noticed. "I know, going through this again is going to hurt, but Ronnie, we could use the money."

"I know," Ronnie said. "It's just – "

Lilian thought she saw Ronnie go back into his head, to that moment when his father was there beside the river, and then he was just gone. Lilian reached for his hand. "Maybe Jarrod won't need any help from us on this," she said. "Maybe it doesn't mean we have to relive it again. Maybe he can take care of it up there without us."

Ronnie nodded.

Lilian said, "But if we have to help him and it could mean that money we need, we need to be ready to help him."

Ronnie nodded again. "I understand. You better let me talk to Alex about it, though. I'm not sure how he's going to take it."

Lilian thought of how much Alex loosened up on the visit to the Barkley ranch, when he spent the day working. "Do you think I ought to ask Nick to take him out on the ranch again? Maybe he could even work weekends."

Ronnie shook his head. "I don't know."

Ronnie wandered off, back to the kitchen to get something to eat or drink. Lilian could tell he wasn't happy with the thought of reopening his father's death, but she knew they did really need that insurance money. They would all have to buck up and take whatever came out of Jarrod's investigation. She looked at Jarrod's letter again. He tried to be calming at the end, to not get her hopes up, to explain that he knew getting into this might hurt them again but he would do everything he could to keep them out of active participation. His words were sensitive and caring, and he signed the letter, "With affection, Jarrod."

XXXXXXX

That night, after they'd gone to their room and were about to climb into bed, Ronnie said to Alex, "Mom got a letter from Mr. Jarrod. He's gonna look into Dad's death and see if he can do anything about the suicide ruling."

Alex looked shell-shocked for a moment. Then he said, "Do you think he can do that?"

"I don't know," Ronnie said. "Mom says we need the insurance money."

Alex didn't say anything more. He just lay down and rolled onto his side, his back to his brother in the next bed, but he didn't go to sleep. He couldn't.

XXXXXXX

Nick was getting to the point that he wanted to see more of Lilian. The boys too, but more of Lilian now, and that made him feel guilty. Sure, Jarrod had said there was nothing going on between them and intellectually, Nick thought that he shouldn't be bothered by wanting to see her. But he was. Jarrod hadn't totally removed himself from the picture. He was there at the edge of it, and in another week or so he'd be home.

Nick was also tired of trying to find excuses to go to town, and tired of pretending his was focusing all his attention on the boys and their need for a male father figure in their lives. All right, so maybe that wasn't such a pretense. His time with Ronnie and especially Alex on that Saturday at the ranch woke up that old feeling in him, that he should be married and have sons of his own to take out to work with him the way his father had taken him out, and daughters too to dance around the living room with. It really wasn't all that often that a woman woke that feeling up in him. Beautiful women woke up other feelings in him, that was for sure, but this one was rarely in the forefront.

On a Wednesday afternoon, Nick went into town again, ostensibly for gunpowder to blow up stumps with, but mainly to stop by to see Lilian and the boys. He stopped at the Henshaw house first and found Lilian hanging laundry on the line. She stopped and looked up when she heard the wagon stop.

And she smiled to see him. "Nick! I didn't expect to see you today!"

"Well, we needed a couple things so I came on into town," Nick said. And then he thought up a pretense for stopping by. "I thought I might see if Alex was interested in seeing something else about ranching – the part about buying supplies and loading wagons and such."

"Oh, he's not around," Lilian said, "at least not at the moment. He and Ronnie are still down at the school. It's clean-up work on the building today."

"Sorry I missed him," Nick said. "Can I help you with anything here?"

"No, I'm just about done," Lilian said. "Just this one shirt left." She took it out of the basket and hung it on the line. "There. How about coming in for a cup of coffee?"

"I'd like that," Nick said and picked up the empty basket.

Nick followed her into the house, leaving the basket in the mudroom before they went in together through the kitchen entrance. Nick could smell fresh coffee on the stove.

"Sit down," Lilian said, motioning to the kitchen table.

Nick sat. And started to feel awkward. Coffee at the café was one thing, but just the two of them alone in her house having coffee was much more intimate. More intimate than he was ready to feel? As she put a cup of coffee in front of him and sat down with one of her own, Nick smiled a little unsure smile.

"Is something wrong?" Lilian asked.

"No, nothing," Nick said and sipped at his coffee. "We heard from Jarrod," he said and then kicked himself for bringing him up first thing. God, he was feeling like a schoolboy again, trying to make time with a girl but too shy to really start.

Lilian said, "I did, too. He's in Sacramento. He's going to look into my husband's death while he's there. He wants to see if that suicide ruling can be overturned so I can get some insurance money."

Nick remembered she had mentioned Jarrod was considering doing that. "Will you need to go up there?"

"I don't know. He hasn't said anything about it yet. I expect he'll just find out what he can, do what he can, and tell me about it when he gets home."

"I guess you've missed him."

"Yes, I have," Lilian admitted. Then she looked down into her coffee cup. "We've written. I told him about you taking the boys around for a workday at the ranch. He didn't say anything about that in his letter, but then maybe he hadn't gotten my letter when he wrote. You know how the mail can go through quick or slow, with no rhyme or reason. Nick – "

Nick got the uncomfortable feeling she was about to bring up what was dancing around the edges of his conscience, too. He looked down into his coffee, too.

"I really have appreciated how you've paid attention to Alex and Ronnie," Lilian went on, "but I'm not sure – " She hesitated. "I'm not sure where I fit into that picture."

She looked up. Nick looked at her. "Where do you want to fit in?" he asked. "I mean, you and Jarrod – and me – and – "

"I know," she said and looked into her coffee again with an uncomfortable smile. "I've been a bit torn. Jarrod and I were – developing something before he left, but it was still very early. And lately with you, I've found myself – I don't know. And of course there's still Ron. He's hardly been gone at all, and with all this reopening of his death that Jarrod is doing – "

Nick reached for her hand. "You're confused. I understand that. And I'll admit, I haven't helped you much about that, getting into the middle between you and Jarrod because I've gotten to know the boys and I like them. And I've come to like you. I just complicated things up."

"Nick," Lilian said, carefully. "I've come to like you, too."

They looked at each other again. Differently now. If things hadn't been so complicated, Nick thought he'd be kissing her now, but he couldn't. Jarrod was still there. Nick squeezed her hand. "My big brother hasn't been that lucky at love. He's a fine man, a charming man – really handsome too – and he's had his share of women getting interested in him. I suppose he told you about his marriage."

"Not a lot," Lilian said. "I know she was killed."

"Murdered," Nick said. "It knocked him for a loop. Anyway, he doesn't fall too easily, never did. He's very discriminating about the women he lets in. If he's letting you in – I just don't want to get in the way, but here I am, getting in the way."

Lilian swallowed. "If you weren't brothers, Nick – I can honestly say that it would be you I would choose to be with. Something is happening between us, I know. But Nick, I don't know how much of that is because you are so good with my boys and I am still so tied up in knots about Ron – "

Nick nodded slowly. "Maybe I ought to back off a bit."

"I don't want you to do that. Ronnie and Alex need you, and they're my main concern right now. And Nick, I don't want you to back off from me."

"And what about Jarrod? You know, when he gets back, you might start having feelings for him again."

Lilian nodded. "I might. I don't know what's going to happen, because frankly, I don't know what I'm doing."

Nick squeezed her hand and let go of it. "Lilian, I won't desert your boys. In fact, I was planning to talk to you and Alex about maybe bringing him out every Saturday, letting him do some real work and earn some real money." Nick searched inside like crazy for what to say. The best he could come up with was, "Maybe we best just wait and see where things go without forcing anything. You need time to deal with Ron. Jarrod and I need time to deal with each other – and believe me, that's nothing new."

Lilian chuckled a little, the ice broken, and the reality addressed. And Nick still smiling at her. "All right," she said. "We'll see where things go."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

It wasn't until he left Stockton and was driving home that Nick began to think more about Jarrod and his feelings than he was thinking about Lilian. All right, Jarrod had said there wasn't anything serious going on between him and Lilian before he left, but what had happened with his feelings while he was away? What was going to happen to him while he was investigating Ron's death in Sacramento?

The guilt rose up in Nick and actually hurt. He was surprised to find Beth coming into his mind's eye, that beautiful, sweet, intelligent woman who was perfect for Jarrod in every way. How happy he had been to be married to her, to have finally found the woman he wanted to spend his life with, and then to have her ripped away so fast. And he went so crazy, so murderously crazy. Beautiful love that lasted a week and turned into a nightmare of months of Jarrod out of his head, trying to get himself back to some semblance of sanity, normal so far out of reach for so long. They were all sure he would never fall in love again. He had been hurt too badly, hurt not only because the love of his life was gone. Hurt because he had lost himself. It took a long time for him to come around to even being able to smile again. And now – was he falling in love again?

Nick shivered. Was he ripping another love away from the older brother he loved and admired?

Nick thought heavy thoughts all the way home, and when he got there and turned the wagon over to some men to unload, he went into the house with a frown on his face. Victoria was arranging some flowers in a vase on the table in the foyer. She idly asked, "Did you get everything you needed in town?"

"Yeah," Nick said.

So absently that it brought Victoria's gaze up to him. Nick was never one to keep his feelings hidden. They were always right there in plain view, and they were now. "What's wrong?" Victoria asked.

"Oh, nothing," Nick brushed her off.

"That's not a 'nothing' face," Victoria said.

Nick struggled with what to say. He hadn't said anything yet about his feelings for Lilian and the boys, about where his heart was going. He didn't know how to. But his mother had him cornered now, he knew. "I saw Lilian," he said.

The way he said it – Victoria saw right through him. "Did you see the boys?" she asked.

"They were at school," Nick said.

"You spent time alone with Lilian," Victoria said.

Nick nodded.

"Did you talk?" Victoria asked.

Nick knew exactly what kind of talk she was asking about. "A bit."

"Are you developing feelings for one another?" Victoria asked.

Nick nodded. "But it's complicated."

"Because of Jarrod," Victoria said.

Nick nodded. "Mother, I don't want to hurt him. And Lilian's still a new widow. I don't want to hurt her either."

Victoria said, "But you still have feelings. Maybe for both Lilian and her boys."

Nick finally looked at Victoria and said, plainly, "I should be married, Mother. I should have a wife and children of my own, and Lilian and Ronnie and Alex – " He stumbled again with what to say.

"They wake that up in you," Victoria said. "And you're afraid they wake it up in Jarrod, too."

"I don't really know what Jarrod's feeling," Nick said. "Lilian doesn't really either. He's been gone too long. But he's up in Sacramento looking into Lilian's husband's death, and when he gets back, I don't know what's gonna happen between him and Lilian. I told her maybe I ought to back off, but she didn't want me to. Ah, Mother, it's all a complicated – " He ran out of words again.

Victoria touched his arm. "What has Jarrod said? Does he seem to be developing feelings for her?"

"I think so," Nick said. "But he just hasn't been around for things to get clear."

"Are you ready to back off if it seems the two of them are developing something between them?" Victoria asked.

"I keep telling myself I am, but then I think of the boys and how I don't want to lose them and Lilian and how I don't want to lose her. It's complicated."

Victoria sighed. She hated it when her sons were at odds over anything, but at odds over love was especially troubling, especially given Jarrod's history. She didn't like to intercede at all, but sometimes they were asking, and Nick was asking now. "I know it's difficult with Jarrod in the picture, how you don't want to hurt him. God knows, he's been hurt enough, but you don't do him any favors if you deny your true feelings. You won't know until he gets back whether yours are stronger, or what Lilian's true feelings are. And as you say, she's still a new widow. I'm sure she's very confused, too."

"Do you think I ought to back off?" Nick said.

Victoria shook her head. "Not if you don't want to and she doesn't want you to. You feel badly because you're hurting Jarrod. Do you think he'd feel any less badly if it turned out it's you Lilian wants to be with and he got in between you?"

Nick sighed. "No, he wouldn't."

"He should be home in a week or so," Victoria said. "Do what Lilian asked – don't back off. See what's really happening when Jarrod returns. You know, it could be she decides she doesn't want to be involved with either one of you."

"I've thought of that, too," Nick said. "Maybe it would be better if she turned us both down."

"But maybe not," Victoria said. "Just let things evolve, Nick."

Nick was sorry he had dumped this at his mother's feet, but it was reassuring to hear her accepting what Lilian seemed to be saying. "Jarrod said we ought to let nature take its course when he gets back, too," Nick said.

Victoria said, "Well, then, you have your roadmap. Take it slow. Let it take its course. Remember that you and Jarrod are brothers, and that won't change. You love and respect each other. That won't change either, if you don't let it."

"All right. I won't let it."

Victoria smiled and kissed him on the cheek. She might have felt a tingle of concern about all this in the back of her mind, but she didn't let it roll over her. Her sons were grown men. They would figure it out.

XXXXXXX

Jarrod's meetings in Sacramento took five days to complete, but when they were done at noon on Friday, he was free. He took time for a quick lunch and then headed straight for the coroner's office. Dr. East was a physician, retired from active practice. Jarrod had met him on a case he had just after he became coroner and was still feeling his way into the job. Jarrod had a couple years as assistant district attorney at that point and helped Dr. East figure a few things out. They had seen each other a couple more times since then, but not in the last three years. When Jarrod came into the doctor's office, he wondered if Dr. East would still recognize him. The man was behind his desk, looked up, and smiled.

"By golly, Jarrod Barkley!" he said, stood up and extended a hand. "It's been a few years, hasn't it?"

Jarrod took his hand, smiling. "It has. How have you been, doctor?"

"Still plodding along," Dr. East said. "You?"

"The same," Jarrod said.

"What are you up to this time, Jarrod?"

Jarrod chuckled as they both sat down again. "Not a formal case, Doctor. Just some information about a case from a couple months ago, a Ronald Henshaw."

The doctor's smile disappeared. "Oh, yes. Henshaw."

Jarrod looked at him curiously. "Not a good memory for you, I take it?"

"Not good," Dr. East said with a big sigh, leaning back. "A difficult one. The man drowned with his sons nearby."

"I know," Jarrod said. "Lilian Henshaw and her sons have moved to Stockton and I've been helping her get her affairs in order. One problem in the way is the life insurance, though. You ruled the death a suicide. The insurance company won't pay off. I was wondering if you could talk to me about your findings."

Dr. East shrugged. "The boys were the only witnesses. They told me one moment their father was there, and the next he was gone. His body was found downstream later that evening."

"Where there any signs of foul play on the body?" Jarrod asked.

"No, nothing but scrapes and bruises from being dragged down the river. The cause of death was definitely drowning, no question of that."

"Was there any indication he was suicidal?"

"That was the difficult part. They said no. They were all in shock about it, complete shock, but when I pressed the boys, they said some things that gave me a lot of pause."

"Like what?"

"Like their father seemed upset when he saw how high the water had gotten, how it had washed out a small mill and a footbridge they had further downstream. We're not talking about rich people, Jarrod. They were land poor. All their wealth was tied up in that land, and the flood waters had damaged more than that footbridge and mill. It flooded the field where he was planning to plant his crop this year, and it was planting time."

"Did you visit the site?"

"I did, with the family and a deputy sheriff. By then the river waters had receded but the fields were still soaking wet."

"So nothing really unusual or unexpected at the site?"

Dr. East hesitated.

Jarrod's neck began to crawl.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Jarrod waited for a moment to let Dr. East's hesitation go away, but it was lasting longer than he liked. Something was wrong. Something about this whole thing and about Jarrod's question about where Ronald Henshaw's death occurred was bothering the doctor.

Jarrod said, "Was there something unusual at the site?"

Dr. East frowned more. "The boys took me to a spot about ten feet above the river, where the river cuts into the bank and runs right below it. If you were gonna jump in and kill yourself, that would be the place to do it."

"What was wrong with the site?" Jarrod asked.

"When I examined the area, there was some disturbance right at the edge, the edge of the bluff torn up a bit."

"From him jumping off?"

"That's what I took it to be, but the disturbance was a bit more than I thought it would be. The ground was a bit more torn up at the edge of the bluff."

"What did the boys say?" Jarrod asked.

"They said they didn't see him jump. They said they had left him there to go back to their horses. He said something about wanting a moment alone, and then while their backs were turned – he disappeared."

"If there was some disturbance, couldn't it have been an accident? Maybe he got too close and tried to save himself before falling in," Jarrod suggested.

"I thought about that, too, but – " He just shook his head.

"Doctor," Jarrod said, "are you having second thoughts about the suicide ruling?"

Dr. East leveled his gaze at Jarrod. "Yes, but – " He hesitated again, and shook his head.

Jarrod could see his questions were really disturbing the man. "Why did you rule it a suicide? Why didn't you rule it an accident to begin with, I mean – if you had any doubts at all?"

Dr. East got up and started to pace. "Because of what the boys said about his attitude. Because he disappeared on them so fast."

"Then what is it that has you second guessing yourself now?"

The doctor stopped and looked at Jarrod. "When I first talked to the boys they were together. Then I talked to them separately – always with their mother present, of course. It was what they said that made me rule suicide and not an accident. It wasn't consistent with an accident. But thinking about it since then, it's not only that it was consistent with suicide. It was _too_ consistent, one boy with the other."

"What do you mean?"

"When I questioned them together, the older boy described what happened and his father's attitude at the river's edge. The phrase I do remember that he used was that his father was 'scared about the mill and the field.' I thought 'scared' was an odd word to use, but then the younger boy used the exact same phrase. His father was 'scared about the mill and the field.' And there were others. They both said he looked 'like he was giving everything up' and 'he wanted us to go away and leave him to himself.' They used those exact words, both of them."

"That is unusual," Jarrod said, "but that alone wouldn't be bothering you, would it?"

"No, except that when I questioned them again separately about three days later, before I issued my report, they used the exact same phrases, each one of them. And while the older boy elaborated a bit when I asked him to explain, he didn't explain a lot, and when I asked the younger boy the same thing, he didn't explain at all. He just repeated the phrases, word for word."

Jarrod recognized the pattern. "Like they had coached each other."

"That was all I had to make me suspicious about their father's drowning," Dr. East said, "but I just couldn't put 'accident' down as the cause."

"Did you talk to the sheriff about it?" Jarrod asked.

Dr. East nodded but began to look more distressed. "I talked to him with the deputy who did the actual investigation. The more we talked, the more I ruled out an accidental fall and leaned toward suicide, but something still bothered me to no end and maybe it was in the back of my head all along but I couldn't bring myself to bring it to the front or put it on paper."

Jarrod thought he understood, and the thought horrified him. "You can't possibly think those boys killed their father."

"I couldn't accuse those boys of that," Dr. East finally said. "I just – couldn't believe it and I didn't have enough evidence that they had. But I just couldn't rule an accidental death either. The evidence wasn't as strong as I'd like, but it pointed more toward a deliberate death than an accidental one, and I was stuck for a decision." Dr. East sat down again, and slumped forward a little. "I never felt so uncertain about a ruling in my life, and I know it's because of that suspicion in the back of my mind."

"Doctor, those boys don't seem like sons who would murder their father," Jarrod said.

Dr. East nodded. "That's what tied me up in knots. They don't seem like it – I mean, how can two boys that age commit ANY murder, much less kill their father? But the thought keeps nagging me, and now, with you here questioning things - I can't look into it officially anymore, Jarrod. The case is closed." He looked at Jarrod with a definite plea in his eyes.

"It's not closed to me," Jarrod said, frowning. He turned everything the doctor had told him over in his mind – and now Lilian came into it, too. "Do you have any reason to think their mother knows more than she's said?"

"No," Dr. East said quickly. "She never gave me an inkling of anything other than she was completely distraught, and when I ruled suicide she was just flat out stunned. Never said another word to me."

"She's the one who's gotten me to look at this myself, so I doubt she's involved in anything about his death," Jarrod mused. Then he sighed. "I think I better talk to those boys some more. I can't believe they'd have anything to do with killing their father either, though – but like you, I'm bothered by the way they told their story and the words they both used. I've seen that a lot when two or more people get together on a lie."

Jarrod got up, and Dr. East stood, too, extending his hand. "I'm sorry I couldn't be more clear, Jarrod, but if you turn up anything that makes me change the death certificate, you know I'll change it. I'll take whatever the heat is for having made a wrong decision."

They shook hands, Jarrod nodding. "I'll get back to you one way or the other, doctor."

Jarrod left with his head spinning. Suicide he had hoped to disprove, but he never dreamed the evidence would leave him considering the possibility of murder. It just seemed too unbelievable, that boys of 15 and 12 would murder their own father, and the thought that maybe Lilian did know what had happened really tore at the back of his mind.

It tore at him, that it was possible that he completely misjudged all three of them. What tore at him the most was that where there had been growing intimacy, growing fondness – now there was doubt, serious, deep, ugly doubt. Now he didn't know what was real and what wasn't.

XXXXXXXX

Jarrod chewed on everything as he made his way to the office of the sheriff to track down the deputy had worked on the case, but he was out of luck. That deputy had moved out of the area, and the sheriff didn't have anything other than the deputy's report to offer. Jarrod read the report. It wasn't helpful. It only backed up Dr. East's report.

Jarrod decided he wanted to see the place where Ronald Henshaw had died for himself, but the report didn't identify the spot well enough. Jarrod went back to Dr. East, and together they went to the farm now owned by another family and got permission to go to the spot. The two of them went together, but Jarrod could see right away the conditions had changed. The river was high again, but, "This isn't nearly as high as it was when Mr. Henshaw drowned," Dr. East said. "And over there – you can see the field has dried out."

Some crop had been planted there. It was obvious it had been planted recently, since it was very small and this family had not owned the farm for long, but something was coming up.

Dr. East pointed down on the ground. Jarrod could see it was still torn up at the edge – quite a bit. "This is the damage you saw when you came out here before?"

"With the weather drying up, it's stayed pretty much as I saw it," Dr. East said.

Jarrod squatted, felt the divots and the torn earth, from where they were all the way to the edge of the cliff. It looked like someone had fought here, someone digging in against a fight, maybe even more than one set of footprints digging in if you looked at it with that in mind. Jarrod looked down from the edge. Even with the river not as high, it was a straight drop right into the water. "Can you tell me for sure it hasn't been disturbed further?"

"It hasn't, not much, anyway," Dr. East said. "I'm sure."

"How about the weather before this all happened?"

"Dry, for weeks. What you're seeing is essentially what happened the day Ronald Henshaw drowned, I'm sure."

Jarrod stood up and said, "I think I'm going to see if I can bring the boys and their mother out here. I'll go talk to the sheriff about it. Do you want to come if I do?"

"I'd better not," Dr. East said. "If I have to reopen this, I don't want to be seen as strong arming those kids into anything."

"All right," Jarrod said and checked his watch. "I can talk to the sheriff to get him on board with this. There's a three-thirty train to Stockton on Fridays and I can still make it. I'll let you know how things go."

Dr. East wished him luck, and within ninety minutes, Jarrod was on the train home, but dark thoughts were traveling with him. He was going to have to talk to Lilian about this first – and how was he going to do that? He sure couldn't just out and out say he thought her sons might have had something to do with their father's death, not with the evidence still so sketchy. He decided, in fact, that he wasn't going to say that to anyone at all, not yet, not until he had talked to the boys and probably not until he had brought them and Lilian up to the site and seen how they reacted there. The reasons behind what he was asking he'd leave as just trying to determine if Ronald Henshaw's death was suicide or not. The sun was setting as the train rolled into Stockton, and Jarrod made up his mind how to do this. He got off, and he left his bags at the station and headed straight for the Henshaw home.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Jarrod knocked on Lilian's door. He could hear Myrtle inside, running to the door and barking. Then Lilian opened the door, and she went white as a sheet. "Jarrod!"

Her reaction was startling, so much so that Jarrod almost stepped back, but then he saw movement behind her in the living room and realized what was going on. Nick was in the living room, standing up at the sofa. "Oh," Jarrod said, reaching down to pet Myrtle who was jumping up and down. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you had company. Hello, Nick. I'll go and come back later."

Jarrod started to turn, but Lilian said, "No, please, come in."

Jarrod and Nick looked awkwardly at each other, and Jarrod smiled a little. "No, I don't want to disturb you. I'll head on home and we can talk tomorrow."

"You have something about Ron's death?" Lilian asked anxiously.

"Not really," Jarrod said. "I just wanted to talk to you about it, but it can wait. Nick, I'll see you at home."

Jarrod turned and left before Lilian could call him back again, and now he had a new reason to be nervous about talking to her. If it weren't enough that he was going to be hiding a suspicion that her sons were murderers, now he was going to have to get a grip on and hide his own feelings about what he just saw, because Nick was clearly there on a social call. Any intimacy Jarrod thought he had built with Lilian just flew out the window. Now, everything was a mess.

Inside, Lilian closed the door and looked awkwardly back at Nick. Lilian said, "I wasn't expecting him. I thought he was still in Sacramento."

"So did I," Nick said, shifting his feet as if deciding and then reaching for his hat. "Look, I think maybe I ought to go talk to him before we get home. I'm sorry."

He headed for the door, and Lilian opened it for him. "No, I understand. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

They kissed lightly and Nick went out the door. Lilian ran her hand through her hair, confused by her feelings, sorry Jarrod had just turned up here. She was glad Ronnie and Alex had gone down to the school for a social there this evening. At least they hadn't been here for this. But what about Nick? What was going to happen between him and Jarrod now?

She had hoped to talk to Jarrod privately about how she and Nick were becoming closer, but that seemed impossible now. Lilian moaned to herself, and inside she said, _Damn it, Ron, why did you have to die?_ None of these complications would be happening if he hadn't died. Lilian just closed the door and rested her head against it.

XXXXXXX

Nick had left his horse at the livery and he figured that was where Jarrod was going, too, to get a horse to go home. He could see Jarrod a block ahead of him, moving fast in the fading light of oncoming evening. Nick had to hustle to catch up with him. "Jarrod!"

Jarrod heard him, stopped and turned.

As he caught up, Nick said, "I'm sorry – "

"No," Jarrod cut him off. "There's nothing to be sorry about. I turned up unannounced. You just go on back."

"No," Nick said, "we ended the visit. I'll head home with you."

Jarrod nodded, a bit uneasily. "I need to go by the depot and pick up my bags. You carry one with you, I'll take the other. We can talk after we get home."

They got horses and fetched Jarrod's bags, then rode home together, all in silence. Nick felt like dirt about this, and for part of the way home Jarrod did too, but then his feelings about this personal business gave way to how he was going to handle Ronald Henshaw's death. The fact that Nick and Lilian had obviously become involved was going to complicate an already messy situation. Jarrod's plans to keep his suspicions about the boys to himself were going to have to change. Nick, at least, had to know what was happening, for a couple reasons. Jarrod knew with a sinking stomach that if Ronnie and Alex really had killed their father, there was a chance they'd try to kill another man who became involved with their mother. Nick had to at least know about what Jarrod had found out in Sacramento and what he suspected, even if it was going to sound absurd, and maybe even vindictive.

And they had to sort out this personal business about Lilian. The intimacy that might have been developing between him and Lilian was gone, because of what he'd found out in Sacramento and because of what was happening between Lilian and Nick. The possibility of losing her to Nick wasn't worrying him that much right now. The rest of this was entirely too disturbing, and the easiest thing to take out of the mix was his relationship with Lilian. It had only been potential, even though now, as he moved it out of the picture, it hurt. He had really thought there could have been something between them, but now he knew it would never be. There was far too much in the way, far too many questions and far too much doubt - and Nick.

But Nick didn't know the half of it yet. Jarrod wondered how he was ever going to explain the rest of it to his younger brother, who clearly had developed some closeness with Lilian while he was gone. And undoubtedly with the boys too. How was Jarrod going to warn Nick but hurt him at the same time?

For his own part, Nick ruminated in silence too, but his thoughts were going in a different direction. He thought Jarrod was angry about finding him in Lilian's living room. He thought there was going to be a blowup as soon as they got home, and he was preparing himself for it as they rode along. He was getting defensive and angry and ready to plead his own case that he and Lilian were falling in love and had the right to do it. Jarrod was just going to have to accept that.

It was dark by the time they got home. When they reached the stable yard and dismounted to hand their horses over to the hands there, Jarrod grabbed the bag he had been carrying and then took the one Nick had hitched over the horn of his saddle, before Nick could reach for it.

"Look," Nick said right away, "we gotta talk about this, but you need to know, you were gone a long time and some things have changed."

"That's obvious, Nick," Jarrod said. "And more has changed than you think. Let me get these inside and then you and I need to have a long private talk."

Nick was a little surprised. Jarrod didn't sound angry at all. If anything, he sounded tired, tired and sad. And what was this 'more has changed than you think' business? Jarrod headed on into the house, and Nick followed.

The rest of the family was in the dining room eating dinner when Nick and Jarrod came in. "Oh!" Victoria said. "I didn't expect either one of you this evening!"

She started to call for Silas, but Jarrod held a hand up to stop her. "We're not eating yet, Mother," Jarrod said. "Nick and I will be in the library. We have some things to talk about."

Jarrod led the way into the library, but it was Nick who closed the door behind them, asking, "You want a drink?"

Jarrod shook his head. "Sit down, Nick."

"No, I don't think so," Nick said. "Look, I am really sorry about you coming onto me and Lilian that way, but we didn't expect you home tonight."

"We have other things to talk about first, Nick," Jarrod said, parking himself at the mantle, wondering how to start this conversation. "I just came from Sacramento."

"Lilian said you were looking into her husband's death."

Jarrod nodded. "There's no easy way to say any of this, Nick. The coroner up there ruled suicide, but he had other suspicions and I have to do something to put them to rest, on the record and in my own mind and for you now, it seems."

"What are you talking about?"

Jarrod really struggled with how to say this. "The coroner talked to the boys when it happened, together and individually. Nick, you know I've been a lawyer for a long time and I was in intelligence during the war. I know suspicious narratives when I hear them."

Nick was getting impatient. "Jarrod, speak English and tell me what you're trying to say."

Jarrod eyed his brother. "The coroner suspected that Ronnie and Alex might have had something to do with their father's death."

"What?"

"He told me what the boys said, and Nick, it was scripted. I've heard it before. When two people are agreeing on a lie they tend to say exactly the same thing, and when they use an unusual word it's a red flag to those of us who deal with this sort of thing."

Nick tried to let what Jarrod had said sink in, to its basics. He finally said, "You're saying the boys lied about how their father died."

Jarrod finally said it out loud. "And I'm saying they might have killed him."

Nick came at Jarrod, snarling at him. "You've lost your mind!"

Jarrod flared back at him. "I wish I had! No, I'm not sure they lied and I'm not sure they killed their father, but Nick, I have to look into it. I have to find some way to talk to Lilian about it without accusing her sons outright, and I want to take those boys back up to the place it happened and hear what they say without accusations, and I have to figure out how to do that knowing they're minors and there are ethics involved. And if you think for a minute I want to do this to Lilian or the boys, you're wrong. This isn't about me being jealous. I'm not an idiot, Nick. I saw right away you and Lilian have started something together and I know there's no place for me in that triangle. I don't want there to be, and I don't want to threaten whatever it is you built while I was gone. And if you think for another minute I've figured out how I'm gonna talk to Lilian about this, you're wrong. I don't know what I'm going to do. I just know that if those boys did kill their father – they have to take their punishment for it. And Nick, if they did kill, they could kill again. If it's jealousy that's driven them even in part – they could kill you too."

"That's crazy," Nick said right away. "I don't believe any of this."

"Don't believe it," Jarrod said. "I'm not totally convinced either and I pray to God I'm wrong. But I've talked to the sheriff in Sacramento. He's on board with me taking the boys to the place where their father died to talk to them, even though he wants to stay out of it until I do."

"Then I'm going with you."

"Nick – "

"No, Jarrod! You're right, Lilian and I are getting closer and I'm getting closer to those boys, and I'm not gonna let you muck up their lives _and mine!_"

"Nick, do you think I like any of this?" Jarrod said, as quietly as he could muster but still making his argument. "I hate it! This was the last thing I thought I'd find out when I went to Sacramento, but there it is! I'm trying to keep it as low key as I can so as _not_ to hurt those boys and their mother, if this is all wrong, and I pray to God it is. And if you and Lilian have something together, that's even more reason for me to want to keep you out of it. My chance with Lilian is blown to bits. If you have a chance together, I want you to have it. Believe that or don't, I don't care, but it's true."

Nick calmed down a little. He could believe Jarrod wasn't motivated by wanting to break him and Lilian up, but that only took one issue away. "Let's say you're right," Nick said, more quiet himself now, "that Ronnie and Alex did kill their father. Don't you think they might try to kill you if they find out you suspect?"

Jarrod knew that was true, but, "Nick, nobody wants to strongarm these boys into anything. Kids can lash out when they feel pressured, yes, and Ronnie and Alex could feel pressured if I'm not careful, even if they didn't kill their father and don't want to kill anyone. That's why I won't gang up on them. That's why I don't want you there."

"What about Lilian? Are you gonna tell her you're trying to find out if her sons killed her husband?"

Jarrod nodded. "I'll talk to her about it but I'm gonna find some way to do it without slapping her in the face with it. I don't want to strongarm her into anything either but she should be with her boys when I talk to them at the site."

"So you want to take them up there, to where they maybe killed their father and risk them lashing out at you, in front of their mother. Unh-uh. I'm not gonna let that happen, for your sake and for theirs. If there is trouble, I'm gonna keep it from getting out of hand. Me and Heath are both going with you."

"Nick – "

"It's done, Jarrod! I'm part of this whether you like it or not!"


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Jarrod argued, Nick argued back, but before it came to blows, they reached a compromise. "All right," Jarrod agreed. "I'll talk to Lilian and see if she'll let me take her and the boys up there on the noon train tomorrow. I'm not gonna mention anything about them possibly killing their father. I'll keep it about trying to investigate the suicide. I'll ride out to the property with them and talk to them and we'll see where things go."

"And Heath and I will be there and stay out of sight," Nick said. "We'll get the morning train and be there ahead of you. We'll talk to the sheriff and get the location and just be ready if you need us. With luck, you won't, and Lilian and the boys won't even know we were there."

As with all compromises, neither one of them was entirely happy, but they each recognized it was something that might get what Jarrod needed out of the boys while keeping him safe from them, if he needed that. Jarrod and Nick went to finish dinner with the family and, even though Jarrod was reluctant, they explained everything as they ate. Heath took it all in quietly. For Victoria and Audra, it was a bit hard to swallow.

"I just can't believe those boys would kill their father," Audra said.

Nick said, "I don't believe it either. I'm pretty much hoping our big brother here will be safe and wrong."

"But you're not sure either," Heath said.

"Doubt," Victoria said. "Once it's in there, it's hard to root out. But I fervently pray you're wrong, Jarrod. If for some reason you're right, Lilian is going to be devastated."

"Beyond devastated," Jarrod said, glancing at Nick who was staring down at his plate. Jarrod left unsaid the other doubt that had taken root in his head – that if the boys had murdered their father, Lilian might be in on it. He wasn't going to say that to anyone unless and until he had some evidence for it.

"And just how have you two worked out your respective feelings for Lilian?" Victoria asked, looking from one son to the other.

Both Nick and Jarrod were surprised she asked in front of Audra and Heath. "Nothing to work out," Jarrod said. "I've been away too long, and now I've got too many complicating problems in my head. I won't undo anything Nick and Lilian have built between them if I can help it."

"Can you keep to that if all this ends up being unfounded?" Victoria asked.

Nick looked up at Jarrod. Jarrod looked back at him. "Yes, I can keep to it. And if my concerns don't end up being unfounded, I'm certainly not the one who can console Lilian. That's gonna fall to Nick too."

Nick appreciated hearing that. "Let's just hope you're all wrong about this," he said.

Jarrod nodded. "That's what I'm hoping for, too."

XXXXXXX

Early the next morning, Jarrod left Nick and Heath at the train depot before going to see Lilian. The train to Sacramento was not due to leave for another hour. "I'll talk to Lilian and be right back here to tell you how it went," Jarrod said. "If we're not going to be on the noon train, we can call everything off."

"You shouldn't see us up there," Nick said. "We plan to stay out of sight the whole time."

Jarrod nodded. "We ought to be finished in time for the Henshaws and me to catch the evening train. You two stay overnight and have a good night out, on me."

"I hope we'll still feel like it," Nick said.

"I don't know for sure what good luck is, Jarrod, but I wish it for you," Heath said.

"Thanks, Heath," Jarrod said. "If for some reason I don't get back here before the train leaves, go ahead and take it anyway just to be sure. A little vacation on my dime won't bother you any. I'll fill you in on everything when you get back on Sunday."

Jarrod turned and walked off toward the Henshaw house. His brothers watched him go. Heath said, "This whole thing has turned into something I never dreamed it would. I figured I'd be refereeing between you and Jarrod arguing over Lilian, and that seems to be the one thing that ain't happening." Then he looked at the unhappy face Nick was wearing. "Are you okay, Nick?"

"Yeah," Nick said, "as long as it turns out Jarrod is all wrong about this. If he's right, Heath – if those boys killed their father – "

"Pray for the best and prepare for the worst, Nick," Heath said. "And we're doing that."

Nick nodded. "Yeah."

Jarrod arrived at Lilian's door and knocked. Again he heard Myrtle running for the door, barking, but this time he heard Alex's voice fussing at her. It was Ronnie who opened the door. "Good morning, Mr. Barkley," he said.

"Good morning," Jarrod said, uneasy at first that the boys were actually here. He had half thought he could talk to Lilian alone to begin with, but maybe it was just as well they were all together.

Inside, Lilian came to the door from the kitchen. She looked awkward, almost as awkward as she had looked the evening before when Jarrod caught her and Nick together. Jarrod took his hat off and tried a reassuring smile. "May I come in?"

"Of course!" Lilian said.

Jarrod entered, leaving his hat on the little table beside the door. Myrtle got away from Alex in the living room again. Jarrod petted her before Alex grabbed her back. "I want to talk to all of you about my meeting with the coroner in Sacramento yesterday."

"Please, sit down," Lilian said and motioned to the sofa.

Jarrod sat down beside Lilian on the sofa. Ronnie took the armchair and Alex stayed on the floor with Myrtle. "The coroner and I have known each other for years," Jarrod said. "We had an honest talk. He told me why he had reached the conclusions he did about Ron's death, and I picked his brain a bit. The upshot is that he does not object to my investigating this further, and he won't be adverse to changing the death certificate if I'm able to find more evidence that would lead him to do so. But to do that, I feel like I need to take you boys up to where your father died. I need to see the place with you and ask you some more questions."

All of the Henshaws looked uncomfortable.

"I know it's a lot to ask," Jarrod said. "I know it reopens old wounds. But if we can find better evidence, if it wasn't suicide and we can get this finding reversed, it would mean some extra money from the life insurance company that you could really use. Are you boys willing to do that?"

The boys looked at each other. They looked very uneasy, and Jarrod's stomach twisted, too. He was dancing around edges of both truth and ethics, and he didn't like it but didn't know how else to do it.

"I should go too," Lilian quickly said.

"No," Ronnie said quickly, surprising both his mother and Jarrod.

Jarrod said, "I don't think that's a good idea, Ronnie. You boys are minors. If your mother isn't with you when I talk to you, the insurance company could say I coerced you and this would all be pointless."

"I just think it's better you don't have to see that spot again, Mother," Ronnie said.

"And I don't think you should be doing this without me," Lilian said. "We'll all go with you, Jarrod. When do you want to go?"

"Up on the noon train," Jarrod said. "We should be done in time to come back on the evening train. It'll be a late night, but we can get it all done today. But you must be sure. I will have some tough questions. I intend to find out the truth. You must be ready for whatever it is."

Jarrod gave Lilian a hard look, and for a moment he wondered if she understood everything he was getting at. For a moment, he wondered if she knew all of the truth already, and it was as bad as Jarrod was afraid it was. But she said, "I'm ready for anything you find out, Jarrod." And then she looked at Ronnie and said, "Anything."

Now Jarrod was actually startled. There was something in her demeanor that almost floored him. There was something in her demeanor that said she did not believe the story her sons had given everyone up to this point but did not know for sure it was fake. She was suspicious, and scared. With it staring him in the face now, Jarrod was shaken, hard. Right now, he wished he had a moment alone with her, away from the boys, to get her to tell him what she really knew, or suspected, but he didn't have it and he couldn't take her aside without the boys getting suspicious. The uncertainty was as thick as soup in the room. So instead he felt like dirt for keeping his real motives from them, and scared that all this was worse than he wanted it to be. "All right," he said and got up. "I need to go to my office. I'll be back in a couple hours and we'll head out on the noon train."

Lilian got up and walked Jarrod to the door. Again, he saw her eyes, and he was shocked and confused. He took his hat, gave a good-bye nod to Lilian, and went outside, but as she closed the door behind him, he actually started to shake. He had planned to have this whole thing under control, and suddenly it was out of control. He had no idea what he was going to be getting into in Sacramento.

He also had no idea what he was going to say to Nick now.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Nick and Heath could tell something was wrong just by the way Jarrod walked toward them. He was stiff, looking at the ground, looking very unhappy. "What happened?" Nick asked before Jarrod even reached them, standing outside the depot door.

Jarrod stopped. "We're going, but – there was something about Lilian – I don't know."

"What don't you know?" Nick asked.

Jarrod hesitated, but went ahead and said, "I don't know what she knows."

Nick read him right. "You're not thinking she was in on something!"

"Nick, right now, I'm not thinking anything," Jarrod said. "I'm just planning to take that family to Sacramento on the noon train and letting things play out however they're going to. Heath, I'm sorry we roped you into this."

"It's all right," Heath said. "It sounds even more like you're gonna need me."

Jarrod said, "Let's not argue over this, Nick. I'm not accusing Lilian of anything. I was just a little disturbed by the conversation." And then he saw something in Nick's eyes – distrust? "And yes, I get that you're going to be keeping an eye on me too to make sure I don't cross some line up there and accuse Lilian of something!"

"Hey, hey," Heath said quickly. "You two better save your arguing for after you find out what's true. There's no use arguing over maybes."

"I'm sorry," Jarrod apologized. "Things just haven't gone the way I planned this morning."

"That's why we're coming, Jarrod," Heath said. "To handle the unplanned."

Nick still looked ornery, but he said, "We'll play it all by ear, Jarrod. If you need us, you wave your hand in the air and we'll be there fast. We'll sort out the who did what after we're sure everybody is safe."

Jarrod nodded. "I want to run by my office. I'll see you in Sacramento – but actually, I hope I won't."

"I hope he won't too," Nick said quietly as Jarrod walked away.

XXXXXXX

Jarrod had to think very hard about how he wanted the trip to Sacramento on the train to go, but at the same time he had to keep reading his traveling companions, how they were reacting to going back to what had been their home, where Ron Henshaw died. Jarrod kept quiet at first, just sitting beside Lilian while the boys sat quietly in the seat in front of them. Jarrod booked first class, figuring the better seats and the quieter class of people might keep things calmer, and it worked for the most part.

Not too far out of Sacramento, however, Jarrod noticed Lilian begin to tremble. She sat there and endured it privately, but he couldn't just let it go. He reached for her hand. She let him take it without even looking at him, but he saw her eyes darken over and for a moment he thought she would cry.

"This won't take long," he said.

Lilian said, "I'm not really sure why you want to do this, why you want to put us through this." But she didn't let go of his hand.

Jarrod said, "To get the truth."

She looked at him and spoke very quietly. "There's something about this you're not telling me."

Jarrod sighed, looked at her hand and squeezed it. "I am hoping to prove that Ron did not commit suicide."

She kept looking at him. "There's something about this you're not telling me," she repeated.

Jarrod looked up at her. "Whatever there is to find out, I intend that we find it," he said plainly. "Ron deserves the truth, doesn't he?"

Jarrod wasn't sure what she thought about that, because he wasn't entirely sure she hadn't helped murder her husband. He hated that feeling. It worried him and it scared him.

Lilian turned her face away from him, but didn't let go of his hand. Jarrod turned away from her, and before long, they arrived in Sacramento.

The boys hadn't said a word, not even to each other, all the way up on the train. Now, as Jarrod took everyone to the livery to rent a surrey, they were just as silent. Unfortunately, the livery only had buggies left to rent. Jarrod swallowed his uncomfortable feelings about letting the boys go on horseback, rented a buggy for himself and Lilian and horses for the boys, and soon they were off to the farm that used to belong to the Henshaw family, when it was a family, when Ron was alive.

Jarrod didn't notice Nick and Heath, but he didn't try to look for them either. Nick and Heath were waiting not far from the livery, though, keeping out of sight in an alley. As soon as Jarrod and the Henshaws left, as soon as they were out of sight, Nick and Heath followed on horseback without a word to each other.

No one was comfortable with this, not any of the Barkleys, not any of the Henshaws. Jarrod drove with the boys just ahead of him, Lilian beside him, not reaching for his hand now. No one spoke.

It didn't take long to get to the spot by the river where Ron Henshaw's life ended. The ground was too rough and Jarrod didn't want to pull the buggy off the road anyway, so he pulled up on the farm lane about a hundred feet from the edge of the cliff by the river. The boys pulled up as well and tethered their horses to the buggy. Jarrod climbed out of the buggy and reached to help Lilian down.

She didn't move. She just shook her head. "I can't," she said. It came out as a garble.

"You should be with us while I talk to them," Jarrod said.

"Ask your questions here first," Lilian said.

"I really need them to be at the edge," Jarrod said. "We need to look at some things there."

"Here first," Lilian said.

"All right," Jarrod said, "but before I do, I want to get something straight. You've asked me to look into this, but so far you haven't hired me as a lawyer to represent you and your sons on this subject."

Lilian looked alarmed. "Why would we need you as a lawyer in this?"

"Just in case," Jarrod said. "Tell me right now that I represent you, and whatever we say here among us is privileged information. We don't have to disclose it if you don't want to as this goes on."

Lilian looked at her sons, who looked blankly back. "All right," she said, sounding a little confused. "You represent us."

As the boys came closer to them, Jarrod noticed how intensely they were looking at him. About the questions he would ask, or about how he was talking to their mother? Right now, Jarrod wasn't sure which it was.

Jarrod gave a glance around the area, at the trees they had just come through about a hundred yards away. He wondered if Nick and Heath were in there.

They were. Waiting. Watching.

Jarrod looked at Ronnie. "Ronnie, would you tell me, please, exactly what happened that day your father went into the river? What were you all doing here?"

"Looking at the flood damage," Ronnie said.

"Where did you leave your horses when you got here?"

"Right about here," Ronnie said.

"Did you walk straight to the cliff edge there, or did you go anywhere else first?"

"Straight to the edge," Ronnie said.

"You didn't go down to where the mill had been or the bridge?"

"No."

"You could see everything your father wanted to see from the cliff edge there?"

"Yes."

Jarrod realized he was going to get nothing much out of Ronnie but short, to the point answers. Ronnie would not be volunteering much, if any, information. Jarrod looked to Alex. "Is all that about right, Alex?"

Alex said, "Yes."

Jarrod looked back at Ronnie. "What happened when you got to the edge of the cliff?"

Ronnie looked down that way. "Father looked up and down. He saw the mill and the bridge were gone. He saw the fields were flooded. He was scared about the mill and the field. He looked like he was giving everything up. He said he wanted us to go away and leave him to himself."

Jarrod remembered, some of those were the exact words the boys had used with Dr. East. "So did you leave him then?"

Ronnie nodded.

"Where did you go?"

"Back up here to our horses."

"What happened then?"

"We looked around and Father was gone."

"What did you do then?"

"We ran back down and looked for him, but he was gone."

Short, terse answers, without much emotion in them at all. No tears for a lost father, no hesitation on the words, and the same words the boys had given Dr. East. "What did you do then?"

"We went home for help," Ronnie said.

Jarrod gave a look to Lilian. She wasn't looking at him or at her sons, but she was crying softly, silently now. Jarrod took a deep breath and said to Alex, "Alex, tell me what happened that day."

"What Ronnie said," Alex said.

"No, you tell me, too," Jarrod said. "Start at the beginning. Why did you come here that day?"

"Ronnie isn't lying!" Alex protested.

"I didn't say he was," Jarrod said. "I just need to hear the story from your viewpoint too. Please. Tell me."

Alex looked uncomfortably at his older brother. Ronnie looked back at him, firmly, unwavering. Lilian just looked away.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Alex still didn't speak, looking uncertain. Jarrod said, easily but firmly, "Alex, just tell me what happened. What were you doing here that day?"

Alex still hesitated, but then said, "Looking at the flood damage."

"Where did you leave your horses when you got here?" Jarrod asked.

"Here, like Ronnie said," Alex said.

"Did you walk straight to the cliff edge there, or did you go anywhere else first?"

"Straight to the edge," Alex said.

"Did you go down to where the mill had been or the bridge?"

"No."

"What happened when you got to the edge of the cliff?"

Alex took a breath and said, "Father looked up and down. He saw the mill and the bridge were gone. He saw the fields were flooded. He was scared about the mill and the field. He looked like he was giving everything up. He said he wanted us to go away and leave him to himself."

Some of the exact words the boys had used with Dr. East. The exact words Ronnie had just used. Jarrod saw Lilian look their way. She had noticed they said the same thing, too.

"Did you leave him then?" Jarrod asked.

"Yes," Alex said.

"Where did you go?"

"Back up here to our horses."

"What happened then?"

"We looked around and Father was gone."

"What did you do then?"

"We ran back down and looked for him, but he was gone."

"Then what?" Jarrod asked.

"We went home to get Mother."

Jarrod looked at Lilian, and she looked back at him, eyes full of tears. "Lilian," he said, "I want to take the boys down to the edge of the cliff. There's something there I want to ask them about. Will you come?"

Lilian shook her head. "I can't."

"I'll need you to formally waive the right to be with them, then."

"You're our lawyer! Why would I need to do that?"

"It's a formality, Lilian," Jarrod said. "I just want to be sure you understand that they're minors and you have the right to be with them when I ask them questions, even if I am your lawyer."

"All right," Lilian said, sounding even more confused.

"You must be sure," Jarrod said.

"All right," she repeated. "I'll stay here."

Ronnie and Alex looked reluctant to leave her. "Just for a moment, boys," Jarrod said.

"Go on," Lilian said to her sons.

Jarrod herded them down to the cliff, being careful not to get too close to the edge at first. He wanted them to see all the marks in the earth. He stopped where the marks began, about six feet away from the edge. "Is this about where you were standing with your father?"

Ronnie nodded.

"Where was he when you last saw him?" Jarrod asked.

"Here," Ronnie said.

Jarrod hesitated a bit. He knew what he had to say next, but figuring out exactly how to say it made him think. "Here's what's confusing me," Jarrod said. "Do you see how the ground is torn up here? It's like something happened here. But you didn't see what?"

Alex spoke up. "It was like that when we got here."

"It was?" Jarrod asked. "Had somebody been down here before?"

"Father, maybe," Alex said.

"The storm, the rain you had that made you come looking for the damage down here – that was a nasty, heavy rain, wasn't it?"

Alex didn't speak or move now. Ronnie nodded.

"So this spot around here was pretty soggy, like the field," Jarrod said.

Ronnie nodded again.

"But as I recall, it hadn't rained much before that," Jarrod said. "I was up to Sacramento about a week before your father's death. The ground was pretty hard."

"It was like that when we got here," Alex said.

Jarrod moved closer to the edge, to the torn area right at the edge, keeping an eye on the boys too. "Was this here too?"

"Yes," Ronnie said.

Jarrod didn't believe them. He moved back from the edge about two feet. "Listen, boys, if I'm going to help you and your mother on this, I have to have the complete truth, no matter what it is and I think I know what it is."

Suddenly, so abruptly Jarrod hardly time to react, Ronnie came at him and pushed him.

XXXXX

In the woods nearby, Nick and Heath were mounted and watching, and they saw it. They saw what they could hardly believe. Ronnie pushed Jarrod toward the river. Jarrod stumbled, then dug his heels in, but then Alex came with an extra push, and Jarrod went right over the edge. The boys began to run toward their horses.

"Holy – Heath!" Nick yelled.

"I got the boys!" Heath yelled and rode fast to where they were nearly to their own horses, hitched to the buggy.

Where their mother jumped up, horrified, screaming their names as they tore their horses away.

Nick went straight for the river, down where he could get close to it, and dismounted, looking frantically. Nick saw nothing. It was obvious – the water had taken Jarrod away.

Heath got to the boys in time to fly off his horse and push Alex off of his, but Ronnie was already mounted and in motion, and now he was riding off fast. Lilian was still in the buggy, still screaming her sons' names.

Heath had to settle for catching Alex. Alex screamed and struggled, but he was too small to fight Heath off. Heath dragged him back to his horse to fetch his rope, tied him up and then tied him to the nearest tree. "You move, boy, and I'll skin you alive!" Heath yelled.

Alex glared, panting, that innocent little boy face now replaced by a demon. Lilian got down out of the buggy and ran to him.

Afraid Lilian was going to release Alex, Heath said to Lilian, "Don't you touch him!" Then he looked up to see where Nick had gone.

Nick was running like crazy along the riverbank. Heath went after him and soon caught up when Nick stopped, panting, looking frantically. "I can't see him!" Nick yelled. "I can't see him!"

Heath looked out just as frantically and then ran further downriver. Nick followed, looking, becoming more and more frantic. Suddenly, Heath saw something in some brush at the edge of the river about fifty feet downriver from where they were. He ran to it fast, Nick right behind him.

They found Jarrod draped over a fallen tree branch, limp, unmoving. They both waded into the edge of the river, avoiding the worst of the rapids. They both grabbed their brother and hauled him out, up to the riverbank.

Jarrod didn't move.

Nick turned him over onto his chest and shook him hard, trying to get the water out of him. "Jarrod! Damn it, Jarrod!"

It worked. Jarrod choked and coughed. They turned him on his side so his face wasn't in the mud, and he coughed up water and phlegm and began to struggle to get up. "What – what - ?"

"Easy," Nick said. "Don't get up yet. Easy."

Jarrod stopped struggling. Covered with mud, looking and feeling like a drowned rat, he still grunted out, "What happened?"

"Those kids tried to kill you," Nick said.

"What?" Jarrod said and finally opened his eyes.

Nick rubbed and hit Jarrod easily on the back. "Just take it easy. We got a lot more work to do."

Heath looked back to where he had left Alex tied to a tree. He was still there, Lilian kneeling beside him but not untying him. But Ronnie was gone. Heath looked up at his brothers. "I'm going after Ronnie."

Nick nodded. Jarrod was still coughing and trying to clear his breathing.

Heath was up and running to his horse. On the way, he grabbed the rope from Nick's horse, and he took off after Ronnie. He wasn't sure he was going to catch up to the kid. He wasn't even sure he was going to be able to tell where he'd gone, but he wasn't ready to let Ronnie get away. He couldn't let Ronnie get away.

A few minutes later, Nick had Jarrod on his feet even if he did have to support him. He got his brother over near the tree where Alex was still struggling to get free and sat him down against another tree. Jarrod was breathing better now, but still exhausted and coughing. Nick fetched his canteen and brought it to him, and as Jarrod sipped some water to ease his coughing, Nick glared at Alex. Alex glared back.

"You killed your father, didn't you?" Nick asked, growling. "You and Ronnie – you killed your own father."

"No!" Lilian yelled. "They couldn't have!"

"They did," Jarrod choked. "Lilian, I'm sorry, but they did."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"Why?" Jarrod asked the kid on the ground next to him.

Alex said nothing. He just began to look off into the distance.

Lilian sat on the ground beside Alex now, looking completely stunned, too stunned to even move. Nick reached for her, but the moment he touched her, she came alive, livid, glaring, wrenching her arm away from Nick. "You're wrong!" she screamed. "You're wrong!"

It was too tough for her to swallow. Jarrod and Nick both had to face something they didn't want to face – that they were telling the woman they both loved that her sons had murdered their father, her husband. That both of her children were cold-blooded killers and had destroyed all their lives. That she had birthed and raised monsters.

"Just you and Ronnie," Jarrod said to Alex. "Just the two of you killed your father. Your mother didn't have anything to do with it."

Alex turned away.

"No!" Lilian yelled again and then sagged.

But Jarrod stayed focused on Alex. "Why?" he asked again.

Nick grabbed the boy by the hair and pulled when he didn't answer. "He asked you a question, boy!"

"Nick – " Jarrod warned when Alex still didn't answer. Jarrod saw something Nick wasn't seeing yet. Alex was shutting himself down.

Nick let the kid go with a shove. "How are you?" Nick asked his older brother.

"Better," Jarrod said.

"Why did you go near the edge with these two?"

Jarrod looked at Lilian, then spoke quietly. "I didn't think they'd try to kill me in front of their mother."

"Are you up to getting Lilian and Alex back to town yourself? I want to go after Heath."

Jarrod nodded. "If you'll fetch his horse and help me get him in the saddle – and leave me your sidearm, will you? Mine's drowned."

Nick still had his rifle, so he handed his pistol over to Jarrod and took Jarrod's wet sidearm from him. Then Nick got up to get the horses. As he did, he looked down at Lilian again. She was in a virtual heap now. He reached down to her. "Lilian – let me get you to the buggy."

Lilian looked up at him and let him take her by the arm, back to the buggy.

Jarrod looked mournfully at Alex, the boy he knew his brother had come to like, even love, but that boy was gone. That boy had never really been there. That boy had been a mask, hiding this one. Jarrod took a shivering breath, and grieved for what had happened, and what was yet to come.

XXXXXX

Heath was riding as fast as he could, but he never could get Ronnie in sight and wasn't even sure the boy hadn't gone off in some other direction. To make matters worse, he didn't know it but Nick was now following him, and he too had lost track of where Ronnie and even Heath had gone. Nick finally gave up, and it wasn't long after that a mile or so away from him, Heath did, too.

They both headed back to the river where they had left Jarrod, Lilian and Alex, Nick arriving first. Jarrod, Lilian and Alex were gone, heading back to Sacramento, but Nick wanted to wait for Heath, in case he came back here. Heath did, about twenty minutes later, but he was alone.

"Lost him?" Nick asked.

Heath nodded. "Where are Jarrod and Alex and Lilian?"

"Jarrod's all right, he's taking Alex and Lilian back to town, to the nearest police station," Nick said. "I'm not sure where that is."

"We gotta figure out where Ronnie has gone," Heath said.

"I only have one idea, but that might not even be any good."

"Home? Home here?"

Nick nodded. "That house is back the lane a bit."

"He wasn't headed in that direction."

"Do you have any better ideas?" Nick asked. "Besides, we better check to make sure. If he goes there, he could be dangerous and anybody there needs to be warned."

"Jarrod knows they killed their father, doesn't he?"

Nick nodded. "Yeah. That's why they'd try to kill him. I just can't believe they tried in front of Lilian."

They rode off together and checked the farmhouse, but Ronnie was nowhere to be found. They warned the family who lived there now, then headed back to Sacramento. When they found the closest police station, they found Jarrod, coming out of it. He was still wet and disheveled, his face scraped up a bit, his jacket ruined for good, but he was upright and moving well again. Nick and Heath didn't even dismount. They just looked down at him.

Jarrod said, "Alex is locked up. They'll get a lawyer to represent him as fast as possible and then figure out where to put him. They've never had a kid so young involved in a murder. They're kind of fumbling in the dark."

"You can't be their lawyer now, can you?" Heath asked.

Jarrod shook his head. "Not since they tried to kill me."

"Where's Lilian?" Nick asked.

"In the station there, being questioned," Jarrod said. "She threw me out for good. You might have more luck with her, Nick."

Nick dismounted, handed Heath the reins of his horse and went inside the station.

"How are you?" Heath asked.

"I'm fine," Jarrod said. He looked at the buggy and Alex's horse, hitched nearby. "We need to get these things back to the livery."

"I'll take care of it," Heath said. "Maybe you better get a hotel room and clean up. You better rest some, too."

"You didn't find Ronnie," Jarrod said.

"No. We checked at the house at the farm there just to be sure, but he didn't go there. We were hoping you might have some idea of where he's gone," Heath said.

"I don't," Jarrod said with a sigh. "Maybe back to Stockton, but I don't know."

"You don't think Lilian knew anything about all this, do you?"

"No, I don't," Jarrod said. "I think Lilian is who those boys think they've been protecting."

Heath gave a sigh. "Well, I expect it's gonna be up to Nick to protect her now."

Jarrod looked toward the police station. "If she'll let him. She's definitely thrown me out of the picture. I wouldn't be surprised if she gives him the door too."

Heath shook his head. "This sure didn't end up any way like I thought it was going to."

"Me either," Jarrod said. He thought about how it all began, remembering that widow who came to him for help with her finances, to help keep her boys in school. The woman who had her life as together as she could have had it given that her husband had apparently killed himself, who only wanted to know for sure that he hadn't killed himself. And now, what did she know? She knew it was far, far worse than that.

"Get yourself a hotel room, Jarrod," Heath said.

Jarrod looked further down the street, to a hotel he knew but had never stayed in. He wasn't really up to finding his way to his regular hotel. "I'll get a room down there at the Cattleman's. I guess I'd better get something for you and Nick and Lilian, too. I don't think any of us are gonna make the train back to Stockton."

"I'll wire mother as soon as I turn these horses back in and go see to Nick," Heath said.

"All right," Jarrod said.

Jarrod handed the leads of Alex's horse and the buggy up to Heath, who took off toward the livery with them and with Nick's horse. Jarrod watched him go, noticing the street lights were beginning to come on in the fading light. He thought for a moment about Ronnie and wondered where he was, but then he thought about Nick and wondered how he was.

Jarrod headed down to the hotel, arranged for rooms, but didn't stop to clean up or rest. He went right back to the police station, thinking maybe Nick was going to need some help. He found his younger brother there, alone in the waiting area, sitting in a chair. Jarrod sat down next to him.

"Have you seen Lilian?"

Nick shook his head. "They're still questioning her. I don't know why it's taking so long."

"I got rooms for everybody at the Cattleman's Hotel, right down the street on the right," Jarrod said. "Heath is taking the horses back to the livery and wiring Mother. And I don't have a clue where Ronnie might be."

"Neither do I," Nick said. "Heath and I both lost him, and he didn't go to the house at the farm. Maybe he's around town here somewhere, but I don't know."

Nick sighed and sat up straight, staring at the ceiling.

Jarrod said, "I'll leave Lilian to you. She doesn't want me around. I'll be at the hotel if you need me. I just wanted to say – well, Nick, I'm sorry about how all this came out. You can't imagine how sorry I am."

"No, I think I can, Pappy," Nick said.

Jarrod gave Nick a slap on the knee, got up, and left to go back to the hotel.

It was only a few minutes later that Lilian came out into the waiting area. Nick jumped to his feet, and she stopped when she saw him. Her gaze dropped. Otherwise, she didn't move. Nick came closer to her, put his hands on her arms. She withered into his arms.

"Lilian, I'm so sorry," Nick said and held her.

"I don't know what to do," she said. "I don't know where to go. They're holding Alex and I don't know where Ronnie is and I don't know what to do."

"Come on," Nick said. "Let's go outside."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Nick got Lilian outside into the darkening night air. On the corner there was a lamppost with a bench under it. Nick helped Lilian over to the bench and sat down with her, and held her. He didn't know what to say.

Lilian cried for several minutes before she wiped her face, sat up and said, "They're finding a lawyer for Alex. He'll want to talk to Jarrod."

"Jarrod's gotten a room at the hotel, and he's gotten a room for you, too," Nick said. "We can't leave here tonight. The last train's about to go anyway. There will be things to do in the morning."

"You didn't find Ronnie."

"No," Nick said. "We don't know where he is. Do you know where he might go?"

"Maybe back to Stockton, I don't know," Lilian said.

Nick kept his arm around Lilian. "Lilian, I am so sorry for all this. I had no idea that Ronnie and Alex – " He couldn't finish the sentence.

Lilian said, "They tried to kill Jarrod, too."

"I know," Nick said. "I saw it. But he's all right."

"They've charged Alex with trying to kill him, but they haven't charged him for killing – Ron – yet." She couldn't get the words out without them catching in her heart. "But he did do it, Nick. He and Ronnie killed their father. I – don't – understand – " She broke into sobs again.

"I don't either," Nick said, "but it's asking a lot of us to understand something like this all at once. Lilian – " Nick took hold of her chin and lifted her face so she could look at him. "I'm here for you, as long as you want me to be. As a friend, if nothing more."

"Oh, Nick, I don't know what I want," Lilian said. "I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel. I want Ronnie and I don't know where he's gone and Alex, my little Alex, is in jail – " She broke into sobs one more time.

Nick held her close. He couldn't imagine how she was holding up under all this. He couldn't imagine why she hadn't just died in his arms, but she was still holding onto him, still trying to hold onto everything. "Let's get you to the hotel," Nick said.

He got her up and together they walked down the street to the Cattleman's Hotel. Nick got the keys to his room and hers, and he took Lilian up to get her settled in. As soon as he opened the door, she stood up straight, put her hand to his chest, and kept him from coming in. "I need time," she said.

Nick nodded. "Just let me know if there's anything I can do for you tonight, any time. I'll be right down the hall in number four."

Lilian nodded, turned, went into her room and closed the door.

Nick had found out that Jarrod was in number five, right next to his room, so he knocked on the door. He wasn't sure Jarrod hadn't fallen right into bed, but the door did open. Jarrod stood mostly behind the door but he let Nick in. He was out of his clothes now. They lay across various places in the room, trying to dry out. Jarrod had a towel around him.

Jarrod closed the door. "How's Lilian?"

"Trying hard to keep herself together," Nick said. "What are we gonna do about tomorrow?"

Jarrod shook his head. "I don't know for sure. I'll need better clothes. I can go buy some dressed in this ratty suit, but I can't go home in it. I probably ought to go see the coroner and the sheriff, too. Let them know what's happened. I'll get the late train home if they're done with me up here. What about you?"

"I'm gonna stay with Lilian, as long as she'll let me," Nick said. "What are we gonna do about Ronnie?"

There came another knock at the door. Nick answered it and let Heath in. "Are you fellas all right?" he asked.

Both Nick and Jarrod recognized that Heath was the one with the least emotionally invested in this whole thing. He'd be the one trying to look out for the two of them. They nodded. "Trying to dry out," Jarrod said. "We were just trying to decide what to do about Ronnie."

"I don't know," Heath said, "but when I wired Mother, I wired Fred Madden too and told him to look out for Ronnie if he came back to Stockton. I told him Ronnie tried to kill you and would be wanted up here, but I didn't say that to Mother, and I didn't say anything about Ronnie killing his father to anybody yet. How's Lilian, Nick?"

"Holding on," Nick said.

"And you?"

"Holding on," Nick said. "I'm gonna try to get Lilian home on the early train in the morning, but I'm sure she won't go, not with them holding Alex up here in jail."

"So you'll stay, too," Heath said.

Nick nodded. Jarrod said, "I'll have to talk to the coroner and the sheriff, so I'll be around until the late train at least."

"I'll go home first thing and explain everything to Sheriff Madden and to Mother," Heath said.

"If Ronnie's in Stockton," Nick started but didn't finish.

"If Ronnie's in Stockton, Fred will pick him up and I'll help him deal with him," Heath said. Then he headed for the door. "You two better get some good sleep. You're gonna need it for tomorrow."

"Good night," Nick said as Heath left and closed the door behind him. Then Nick looked at Jarrod, who still looked like a drowned rat even out of his clothes. "You better turn in too. We came damned close to losing you today."

"I'm all right," Jarrod said.

"You could get sick from that near drowning."

Jarrod nodded. "I know. We'll see. Right now I'll just get under the blankets and sleep, and I'll take care of myself tomorrow. You take care of Lilian."

"Jarrod, I don't know, but she might ease up on you tomorrow. She's just pretty lost today."

"I know," Jarrod said, "but even if she does, I can't be her family's lawyer on this. I'm the victim. I'm gonna have to keep my distance. And since I'm the one who shoved her sons' crimes in her face, she's not gonna do well if she sees me anyway."

Nick eyed his brother. "You were starting to love her, weren't you?"

"Maybe," Jarrod said. "Too much interfered, though."

"And now I'm not too sure too much hasn't interfered for us, too," Nick said.

"We've been playing this by ear all along, Nick," Jarrod said. "I'd just keep doing that if I were you. She is gonna need somebody, and it's gonna have to be you if it's gonna be any of us. You do love her, don't you?"

Nick nodded. "I think so. I thought so. I just don't know what's gonna happen now."

"Get some sleep," Jarrod said. "Go to her in the morning and take care of her if she'll let you. I'll take care of myself. I might not even see you until we get home."

"Big Brother," Nick said, "you've been awful level-headed through all of this – every bit of it."

Jarrod waved a hand in the air. "Circumstances dictated that, Nick. I just wish – I just wish it hadn't turned out the way it did."

"Yeah," Nick said and headed for the door. "Me, too," he said and left.

Jarrod sighed and slumped. He was more tired than he thought he was, and more broken hearted for his brother and for Lilian than he thought he'd be. And not so much for himself. Somehow, he felt like he was carrying the least heavy load right now. Whatever might have blossomed between him and Lilian was gone for sure, and he was reconciled to that. Lilian was carrying the heaviest load. Jarrod had enough affection for her to hope that she would let Nick help her. Nick was who she needed now.

Jarrod ran out of energy to think. He put the lights out, crawled under the covers, and was asleep in minutes.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

The next morning, Nick hesitated knocking at Lilian's door. It wasn't particularly early, but he wasn't sure if he was going to wake her. Heath had already left on the morning train and Jarrod was gone too, off to see the sheriff or the coroner or whoever he wanted to see today. Nick knew his place was beside Lillian, if she wanted him there. He knocked.

She didn't answer.

Nick didn't know whether to be worried or not. When he knocked again and she still didn't answer, he hurried downstairs, intending to talk to the desk clerk, but when he saw the café up and running he went there first, and there she was, alone, picking at food, nursing a cup of coffee. Nick went over to her table.

"May I?" he asked.

She looked up at him with careworn eyes that did not remotely smile, but she nodded.

Nick sat down. "Did you get some sleep?"

"Some," she said. "Where is Jarrod? I need to talk to him. I need – to make things right."

"Jarrod has a few people to see today," Nick said. "We might not catch up with him. There will be plenty of time to talk to him later. Right now, we have to concentrate on you." He reached for her hand.

She squeezed his, but then she let it go. "I need to see Alex and whatever attorney they're arranging for him. And I really do need to talk to Jarrod – to apologize but also to get my finances in order again. I'm going to need to pay – lawyers – " She rubbed her forehead. Her hand was shaking. "Is there any word on Ronnie?"

"Not yet," Nick said. "Heath has gone back to Stockton on the morning train. We might know more this afternoon."

"But we might not. He might just be gone. My God, Nick, I thought I knew my children but it turns out I didn't know them – at – all – "

She started to cry. Nick took her hand again and squeezed it. "Lilian, you know me. I am what I seem to be. My mother always said I was no good at hiding my feelings, and she's right. Lilian – if nothing else, I am your friend. My whole family are your friends, even Jarrod, even now. You're not alone."

"But that's just it, Nick," Lilian said. "I am alone in this. I'm the last survivor of what I thought was a happy family, and it wasn't. Nothing is what I thought it was. Everything has shaken apart and I'm the one left standing."

Nick let go of her hand. "Lilian, I will do whatever you want me to do, and that includes walking away if you want. I know I complicate your feelings and they're complicated enough right now, but don't hide yourself away just because you feel guilty about any of this – about Ron, about Jarrod, about me. None of this is your fault."

"But it is, Nick," she said. "It has to be. I raised those boys. They're my flesh and blood and Ron's and they turned out – awful. They turned out murderers. It is my fault."

Nick knew he wasn't going to dissuade her on that. There was truth to it. "What do you want me to do, Lilian? I'll do whatever you want."

Lilian wiped her face. "I'm going to the police station to find Alex and see if they have a lawyer for him. Would you please telegraph the sheriff in Stockton and find out if Ronnie has turned up down there? And when you find Jarrod, tell him I need to get my finances changed again. Instead of school, I'm going to have to pay lawyers."

Nick nodded. "I'll talk to him when I can, and I'll go wire Sheriff Madden as soon as I can. You need to finish this breakfast up. You need your strength."

Lilian nodded. "Nick – please understand. I need you to leave me alone for a while. I need you to go find out what you can about Ronnie. I need time alone with Alex."

Nick nodded and stood up. "All right. I'll find you as soon as I hear from Sheriff Madden or from Jarrod."

"I need to settle the bill here and – "

"No," Nick said. "Let me and Jarrod take care of the bills for now. You take care of yourself and Alex and eat right today, and I'll find you as soon as I have something to tell you. And if it's all right with you, I'll find you later just to see how you are and if you need me."

Lilian finally smiled at him. "Thank you, Nick."

Nick leaned over and kissed her forehead. She smiled a little more, and even though he didn't want to leave her, he did.

He went to the telegraph office and sent a wire to Sheriff Madden, then he got something to eat and some coffee. As he did, Jarrod came into the café, dressed now in some utilitarian ranch clothes he had bought this morning. They spotted each other, and Jarrod came over to sit down with him. "Did you see Lilian this morning?" he asked.

"Yeah," Nick said, just as the eggs arrived. "She went to the police station. She said she wants to see you – to apologize, and to get her finances straightened out again. I sent a wire off to Fred Madden to find out if Ronnie turned up in Stockton."

"I saw Heath earlier when he headed for the train," Jarrod said.

"Did you see the sheriff and the coroner?"

"Yeah, I filled them in on what happened. I want to see if the police have found a lawyer for Alex yet. With me being the victim this time, it's gonna be tough for me to see Lilian without a defense lawyer for the boys being present. It's not unethical, technically, but I don't want to go complicating this case. It's gonna be complicated enough."

"Jarrod, if Ronnie hasn't turned up yet, I'd like to talk Lilian into going back to Stockton tonight with you and me. What do you think?"

"I think she might not go," Jarrod said. "She might want to stay here with Alex, and whoever they get for a lawyer might want her to. I should find out who that lawyer is gonna be, and who the district attorney is gonna be. I don't know if I'm gonna be ready to leave tonight or not."

"Did you eat?"

"Yeah, I ate."

"What do you want to do now?"

Jarrod thought about it. "I'm gonna go see the police and find out who the prosecutor's gonna be, and the defense attorney."

"You might see Lilian there."

Jarrod nodded. "I might. If I do, I'll keep things simple and not very substantive." Jarrod got up and said, "What about you?"

Nick sighed. "I'm gonna finish my breakfast, take a long walk to settle down, check for a wire from Fred and then go see if Lilian will talk to me some more."

"Why don't you and I meet back here about one o'clock, if we can?" Jarrod asked. "We should check in with each other."

"All right," Nick said.

Jarrod eyed his brother carefully before leaving. "Are you all right?"

Nick sighed again. "Wound up. Confused. Feeling like I'm no help at all. But otherwise just dandy."

"Nick," Jarrod said, trying to console him. "Lilian's not a weak woman at loose ends. She's shaken to the core, but you know as well as I do, if anyone is capable of handling something this dreadful, it's Lilian. She'll ask for help if she wants it – she's already told you what she needs from me. If she needs you – if she chooses to need you – she'll tell you."

"And if she doesn't, I'll have to swallow it," Nick said.

"I know you love her, Nick," Jarrod said. "Maybe that will survive this, maybe it won't. From the very start, we decided nature was gonna have to take its course between you, me and Lilian. It's still gonna have to between the two of you."

Nick nodded.

Jarrod gave him a slap on the back. "Just be available. That's the best you can be."

Nick nodded again. "Yeah."

Jarrod turned and walked out. Nick watched him, listening to Jarrod's parting words in his head. If anything was clear in this mire of a mess, it was that his big brother was really wishing the best for him and Lilian now. Nick appreciated that more than he'd ever be able to say, but what the best was now was beyond his vision to see. Like Jarrod said, nature was just going to have to take its course. He sighed one more time, and finished his breakfast.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Jarrod did not run into Lilian at the police station, for which he was grateful. He did find out that the attorney the police were getting for Alex was Neil Phillips, a man Jarrod had talked to a few times, a man who had a good reputation and had always been courteous and conscientious, as far as Jarrod knew. The assistant district attorney assigned was one Michael Overman. Jarrod had never heard of him before. He was probably very new and very young.

Jarrod went over to Phillips's office, but the attorney hadn't come in yet today. He turned up as Jarrod was leaving, and Jarrod turned out to be the one to tell him the police wanted him to represent Alex. Jarrod explained his involvement as the victim and as Lilian's attorney – and the boys' attorney for a brief few minutes. He walked over to the police station with Phillips. They talked. Jarrod explained what had happened to the extent he thought he could, but then told Phillips he hadn't seen the assistant district attorney yet.

"Well, you better see him before you say much more to me," Phillips said, "at least about the attack on you. I trust you won't be saying anything that the boys told you in confidence."

"I won't," Jarrod said, "but frankly, there wasn't anything. What they said to me was just about exactly what they said to the coroner – word for word."

Phillips understood what Jarrod was saying to him. He nodded.

Lilian was in the waiting area at the police station when Jarrod and Phillips came in. Phillips confirmed with the officer on duty that he was to represent Alex. The officer said, "Yeah, we've been waiting for you," and nodded toward Lilian.

Jarrod said to Phillips, quietly, "This is the boy's mother."

The two men went over to Lilian, who did not get up. Jarrod introduced Phillips, who said, "Mrs. Henshaw, I'd like to talk with you a bit before I see your son. There's a quiet room back over here."

Jarrod said, "Lilian, we'll talk about your financial situation later. At your convenience, Neil, if you want to be in on it."

Phillips nodded. "I should be. If it's all right with you, Mrs. Henshaw."

Lilian nodded.

Phillips escorted Lilian to a back room, and Jarrod watched them go. Even though she was still obviously a strong woman, Jarrod could see she was fumbling. It hurt him deep, to know all of this pain she was enduring was because of something he'd brought to light – because he did have deep affection for her. In a way, he felt like he had betrayed her, but he was consoled that Neil Phillips was helping her now. He was a good man. She could rely on him, and right now, she needed to rely on someone who had no emotional ties to this whole thing.

Jarrod went looking for the assistant district attorney Overman and found him in his office. He was very young and only on the job for a year, but as Jarrod talked to him about what happened, Overman asked intelligent questions and understood that Jarrod was not free to talk about anything confidential that occurred while he was the Henshaw boys' attorney. Jarrod didn't let on whether anything was confidential or not – best not to commit to much that was substantive at this point, other than the obvious fact that the boys had pushed him into the river and nearly drowned him. When Overman asked why Jarrod thought they did that, Jarrod just referred him to Phillips.

When Jarrod left Overman, he headed back to the hotel. As he walked by the saloon next door, he spotted Nick in there, drinking alone at the bar. Jarrod checked his watch. It was now past one in the afternoon, past the time they said they'd meet. At least Nick wasn't drinking alone in the morning. Jarrod went in and came up beside him. He ordered a whiskey.

"Have you talked to everybody you wanted to now?" Nick asked.

"Yeah," Jarrod said. "Have you heard anything from Stockton?"

"Got a wire from Heath. Ronnie hasn't turned up yet."

Jarrod heaved a sigh. "We may never see that boy again, except on a wanted poster."

Nick shook his head. "I'd suggest we go looking for him, but I wouldn't know where to start."

"Well, let's regroup for a minute," Jarrod said. "I'm done here for the time being. You and I can go home on the evening train, if you're ready. You talk to Lilian and get her to go with us."

"I think you were right. She's not likely to leave Alex, Jarrod," Nick said.

"She might if it's just overnight, to get the papers dissolving the trust for her son's schooling done and filed and to get some clothes and things she'll need up here. You can bring her back up here on one of tomorrow's trains."

Nick still looked doubtful.

"She's gonna need more things up here," Jarrod said. "And she needs a break from this, even if it is just overnight. And if by some chance Ronnie does turn up in Stockton and she's there when he does – it could go a lot easier on both of them."

Nick had to admit, Jarrod had some good thoughts. "I'll track her down at the police station and talk to her."

"We'll get through this, Nick," Jarrod said.

Nick looked at him, smiling just a little. "Maybe it's a good thing Lilian and I hit it off and you didn't. You're keeping your head clearer when we need it most."

Jarrod downed his whiskey. "Sometimes it seems when you let nature take its course, nature knows what it's doing."

XXXXXXXX

When the evening train to Stockton rolled out of Sacramento, Jarrod, Nick and Lilian were on it. It actually didn't take much talking on Nick's part to get Lillian to come along. She had reached the decision herself that she needed more clothes and other things if she was going to be in Sacramento for a while. Jarrod knew a good ladies' boarding house in Sacramento and arranged for Lilian to stay there when she came back.

Jarrod had spent a few minutes with Lilian and Phillips, explaining what needed to be done on Lilian's finances. It hardly took any time at all, and he spent the afternoon at Phillips's office, drafting the document to dissolve the trust and a power of attorney for him to access Lilian's bank accounts, if she needed him to do that while she was in Sacramento.

The details beginning to settle helped Lilian to settle a bit. She sat beside Nick on the way to Stockton, holding his hand, drifting off to sleep with her head on his shoulder. In a seat alone across the aisle, Jarrod watched, heard his brother begin to snore a bit, and actually smiled. Maybe a little bit jealous it was Nick and Lilian resting on each other's shoulders. He had to wake them as they rolled into Stockton.

The sun had set but there was still a bit of light fading away. Lilian asked to go to her house first. She wanted to pack things and get some more rest. "I'd like to sleep on your sofa tonight," Nick said, "just in case you need me." He was still thinking about Ronnie. What if he showed up?

But Lilian said, "No, Nick, I need some time to myself. If you gentlemen will just walk me home, I'll be all right."

Jarrod said, "I'll get the papers filed with the bank as soon as I can tomorrow. When you're ready to go back up to Sacramento, either Nick or I can travel with you."

"Let's leave that decision for tomorrow," Lilian said. "I don't know if it's going to be necessary for either of you to disrupt your lives – "

She stopped. Jarrod had stopped dead as the Henshaw house came into view. He stared at it, squinting through the fast fading light. Nick stopped. "What is it?"

Jarrod nodded toward the house. "That horse hitched there."

"That shouldn't be there," Nick said suspiciously.

Jarrod said, "That's the horse we rented for Ronnie in Sacramento. Ronnie's in there."

Lilian started for the house, but Nick took her arm and held her back. "You better wait back here, just in case."

"No," she said flatly. "You lead the way, but I'm going in there with you. He might try to run or to hurt you to get away, but he won't give me any trouble."

Jarrod said, "I'll go around to the back door. Give me to a count of thirty, then come quietly in the front door."

"Is your pistol dried out?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, but I didn't get a chance to clean it, and I don't want any gunplay anyway, do you?"

"No," Nick said.

Jarrod took off jogging to the back door of the Henshaw house. Nick and Lilian started for the front door, Nick keeping Lilian behind him somewhat. He did not draw his gun, but he was very careful. They had left the front door unlocked, and they went quietly in together.

There was a light on in the kitchen, not bright. Nick and Lilian could both hear someone rummaging around in there, and then Ronnie started to come out. He stopped dead when he saw them standing between him and the door.

"Ronnie – " Lilian said.

Ronnie turned and ran for the back door, but the moment he threw it open to run, he was facing Jarrod. Ronnie went white as a sheet and froze to the spot. Jarrod understood why. "Seeing a ghost, Ronnie?" he asked.

Jarrod turned Ronnie around bodily and pushed him back into the living room. Nick had lit another lamp there and was working on a third when Jarrod dumped Ronnie onto the sofa. Lilian stood staring at her son, who looked away. Nick came to her side and stood with her.

Jarrod said, "I found Myrtle outside, locked in the shed, barking like crazy. I'm gonna go get Sheriff Madden and maybe somebody to take care of the dog. I'll be back in a minute." And he went out the front door.

Leaving Lilian and Nick to stare silently at the boy on the sofa, who would not look at them.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"Why?" Lilian asked Ronnie. "You tell me why. Why all this. Why you thought you could kill Jarrod in front of me. Why you – killed – your father. You tell me why."

Ronnie didn't answer or even look at her.

"You got three seconds to answer her, boy," Nick said. "Or I'm taking you outside and it won't be for a paddle behind the woodshed."

When Ronnie still didn't answer, Nick grabbed him by the shirt and started to pull him up, but then Ronnie looked up, fire in his eyes now. He glared right at his mother. "Because he took you away from your life and he made you a drudge on his farm!" Ronnie yelled at her. "Because he had you working night and day and then he made sure that he kept you away from us at the end of the day! He wanted you all to himself, all the time, to do his work and make you – " Ronnie stopped before he said the words out loud.

Lilian glared right back at him. "Ronnie, I loved your father. His dreams were my dreams, and I wanted to work that farm. I wanted to be with him at the end of the day. Maybe you're still too young to understand what love really is – "

Ronnie started to come at her, but Nick shoved him back onto the sofa. "Touch your mother and I'll break your arm," Nick growled. He let the threat go but kept glaring. "Why did you try to kill my brother? Because he figured you out?"

Ronnie didn't reply and just looked away again.

Lilian said, "Ronnie, your father never mistreated me and he never mistreated you. We worked hard, but we were working _for_ something. I thought we were working for each other."

"You were working for him," Ronnie said quietly. "It was always just for him."

There didn't seem to be anything to say after that. Lilian did not understand any of this. Why did Ronnie have all this jealous resentment? How long had he been nursing it and she never knew it? She thought back over everything she could think back over, the way her husband and son had treated each other, the way her husband had treated her and Alex, and she couldn't put anything together that would add up to this.

Nick watched her struggle with what Ronnie had said, and before they knew it, the front door was opening again. Jarrod and Sheriff Madden came in. The sheriff took in everything that was happening here, especially the silence. He gave it a moment before he approached Ronnie, who was still sitting on the sofa.

"Son," the sheriff said, "you know you're wanted in Sacramento for trying to kill Mr. Barkley. You know I have to take you in."

Ronnie stood up and moved toward the front door. The only person he looked at was Jarrod. It was clear he didn't understand why Jarrod had not drowned in that river. Jarrod stared back at him, and then the sheriff was ushering him off to jail.

Jarrod looked at Nick and Lilian, how Nick was looking at her but how she was now just sinking onto the sofa, not looking at him. Jarrod said quietly, "I'll be in my office," and he went out the front door, leaving Nick alone with Lilian, intentionally. Now that the paperwork for the bank was done and Ronnie was found, Jarrod knew he was not what Lilian needed or wanted for anything anymore. Nick was. It was up to Nick to draw close to her and help her through this.

As soon as Jarrod left, Nick sat down on the sofa beside Lilian. She was turned away from him, crying, and he felt helpless for a moment, but then she turned toward him very slightly. Just enough to signal Nick to take her into his arms, and he did.

"Lilian, I'm so sorry," he said softly, kissing her cheek, holding her. "I don't know how to make this go away."

"Oh, God, Nick how could I have been so wrong?" Lilian sobbed. "How could I have missed all of this the way I did? How could I – have – raised – such – horrible sons – "

The sobs took her away, and Nick held her more closely, rubbing her arms, fighting his own grief over this. "You're their mother," he said. "You love them and you missed it because you love them. That's all there is to it."

Lilian looked up into Nick's eyes. "They killed Ron. They killed their father."

Nick nodded. "They did. Just don't let them kill you, Lilian. Let me help you. Let me help you hold on. Don't let them kill you too."

She cried even more, at his gentleness, at his compassion. She let him hold her tighter. She let him help her hold on, but what was going to happen now, where she was going to go now, what she was going to do now was swirling around in her mind too much to deal with. Nick understood. He just stayed there.

XXXXXXX

Nick slept on Lilian's sofa that night, his long legs hanging over the edge uncomfortably, but he didn't want to leave her. She took herself up to bed after a while. He could hear her moving around up there, and then things grew quiet. After a while, he fell asleep himself, and it wasn't until morning and he smelled coffee that he woke up.

Lilian was up, dressed, making coffee in the kitchen. Nick dragged himself to standing, easing his aching back into some semblance of uprightness. He looked to see Lilian actually smiling at him, just a tiny bit.

"I didn't hear you come down," Nick asked. "Did you sleep?"

Lilian shook her head. "I was too worried about Ronnie. I want to go down to the jail as soon as I can and find out what the sheriff is going to do with him."

Nick nodded. "You better eat something first."

"I'll make some eggs. Nick – I did a lot of thinking overnight. We need to talk."

Nick came closer, hoping to at least give her a hug, but she backed off, staring at the floor.

"I'm so sorry," she said, "but I can't go on like this. I have to concentrate on my sons now."

"I'd like to help you," Nick said.

She shook her head. "I can't. Please, understand, my sons killed my husband and they tried to kill your brother. I have to deal with whatever the law is going to do to them, and I can't – " She looked up at him. "I can't deal with my feelings for you at the same time, because right now, I just don't know what they are anymore."

It hurt to hear that, but Nick knew he couldn't argue with anything she was saying. She was trying to cope, in her way. As Jarrod had said and Nick knew, she was an independent woman, and now a woman whose whole world had caved in on her.

"Please forgive me," she said.

Nick shook his head and smiled a little. "There's nothing to forgive. You have a hard time ahead of you. Know that I'm here if you need me, but I won't force my way in if you don't want me. You're gonna go back up to Sacramento?"

She nodded. "As soon as I find out when they'll take Ronnie up. Nick, I intend to be with my sons through all of this. My life is bound up with theirs, forever, even if – " She couldn't say the words "if they hang." She couldn't believe they would hang her young sons for killing their father.

Nick said, "I understand. Like I said, I'm here if you need me. I'm your friend, for good."

Lilian reached up and kissed him lightly on the lips.

Epilogue

Four weeks later

Jarrod came into the house alone, tired, hungry. It was the end of a long five days in Sacramento, preparing for trial, testifying, holding himself back from comforting Lilian as she watched her sons tried for trying to kill him. Listening to the verdict. Watching her weep, but not going near her. He couldn't. She turned away from everyone except Neil Phillips.

She even turned away from Nick.

Nick and Heath had been with Jarrod until they testified on the first day of the trial, but they were excused and headed home as soon as they were freed. Nick had tried to talk to Lilian, but she was so devastated by what was going on that she only shook her head at him and went off with her sons' lawyer. "Nick, we need to go home and go on," Heath said quietly to him as Lilian walked away from him for what turned out to be the last time.

"I'm sorry," Jarrod said.

Nick nodded to them both and just said, "We'll see you at home, Jarrod."

The rest of the family was in the dining room, finishing dinner, when Jarrod finally came home from Sacramento. Jarrod came in and sat down in his usual spot, saying wearily, "Good evening, everyone." There was some food left on the platters and he dug in, while Nick poured coffee for him.

No one knew exactly how to say what they wanted to know. It was Victoria who finally asked a simple, "What happened?"

"They were both found guilty of attempted murder," Jarrod said. "They haven't been sentenced yet, but I suspect the district attorney's office is trying to figure out where to put them in light of the fact that now they've also been charged with their father's murder."

Everyone shook their heads.

Jarrod went on. "The court had a doctor from the hospital for the insane check Ronnie and Alex out. There just didn't seem to be any reason for them to kill their own father, but the doctor said he thought both boys were prone to violence and meanness but awfully good at keeping it secret. I thought maybe I should have suspected something like that when I met them - the way that little dog Myrtle tried to cling to me instead of Alex, and then that trouble he got into at school Lilian told me about in a letter. I keep thinking it should have set off an alarm in my head, but I just missed it."

"I wonder if their father was the same way," Audra said.

"We'll never know," Victoria said.

Jarrod kept going. "Then I found out a bit more about Lilian and her whole family. Lilian didn't start out as a farmer's wife. She had been to finishing school back east. She was well educated there. Until she met Ron, it looked like she was headed for anything but the life of a farmer's wife. But she fell in love with him – genuinely. Ronnie and Alex saw the old photographs and Ronnie especially learned about the woman his mother had been educated to be. The same kind of educated person Ronnie thought he was meant to be. He became angry with his father for taking that away from his mother. He began to be afraid his father would deny him the education he wanted too, and he felt like he needed to save his mother from his father. Call it a twisted viewpoint because of his propensity for meanness, call it whatever you want to call it. It's what Ronnie felt and he pulled Alex along with him. They felt perfectly justified in killing their father, to save their mother."

Jarrod looked up at Nick, who was just staring down at his plate, but who then asked, "How's Lilian?"

"Mortified," Jarrod said, "but not destroyed. Phillips is helping her through this and she's holding up. Phillips told me she has every intention of going wherever it is her sons end up and supporting them no matter what. That's her only goal in life right now, Nick – supporting her sons, no matter what."

Nick nodded. "I didn't think she'd be doing anything less."

"Have you heard from her at all?" Jarrod asked.

"No," Nick said, "not a word."

Heath and Audra looked at each other, then at Victoria. Everyone seemed to have the same thoughts in their minds, but it was Heath who ended up saying, "I think you both are gonna have to let her go. I think it's too rough for her to be around the Barkleys anymore."

"I know you're right," Jarrod said, "and I know it's largely because of me."

"No, Jarrod," Victoria said quickly.

"Yes, Mother," Jarrod said. "I thought I was helping, and all I did was uncover the facts that sent her life crashing down around her. They had to be uncovered, but that wrecked whatever she might have been developing with Nick, and Nick, I'm sorry."

Nick shook his head. "You were doing what she asked, Jarrod. And this was bound to come out someday. Best it came out now."

"You both loved her in your way," Audra said. "You both tried to help as best you could."

They both looked at her, and then at Victoria when she said, "And you did help, as best you could. There was just no other way for this to come out."

Jarrod just said, "I wish to God there had been."

And Nick nodded. "Me, too," and he thought about Lilian for one more time before he decided he needed to put the lost possibilities away. Now, he could only hope the best for her and keep her in his prayers, and he did.

They never heard from Lilian again, but they found out Ronnie and Alex pled guilty to killing their father. They were both sent to San Quentin, Alex for fifteen years, Ronnie for thirty, very young men to be there but it wasn't unheard of. Jarrod and Neil Phillips actually tried to find another place for them, like the San Francisco Industrial School, but nothing was available for juvenile murderers. Phillips told Jarrod that Lilian was moving to San Francisco to be near them, and Jarrod found out from the bank in Stockton that she had sold her house and moved all her funds to San Francisco, while Myrtle the dog found a new home with a family in town.

When he told all that to Nick, in the fading light of the stable yard at the end of a long day, Nick just nodded. Jarrod said, "She's one strong woman, Nick. She'll deal with this in her way."

"That's just the problem, Jarrod," Nick said. "She'll deal with it. She won't get through it, because it's never gonna go away."

"Life is full of carrying things around that we always have to carry," Jarrod said. "For all of us."

They looked at each other. They both knew they were each carrying their own loads in life, just like everyone else. Nick said, "I just wish it was better for Lilian."

"You loved her," Jarrod said.

"So did you," Nick said.

Jarrod nodded and finally admitted it, to Nick and to himself. "Yeah, I did."

"But I reckon that's just gonna have to be enough for both of us, isn't it?"

Jarrod nodded. "It is. But who knows? Some people say that if you love somebody, even if they've left you and they aren't around you and they don't know you love them, it still does them good."

Nick eyed him and shook his head. "You still don't feel like you did her any good."

"No," Jarrod said. "I don't feel like I did her any good, but I'll still keep her in my prayers at night. Maybe, in the grand scheme of the universe, that will be worth something." He gave his brother a friendly hand on the shoulder. "At least, I'll keep hoping it will."

"Yeah, me, too," Nick said.

The End


End file.
